Archive | April, 2012

Ummm….Thank You I guess…..

28 Apr

I met a podiatrist tonight that I have texted for almost two months. Thankfully he did not try to lip lock me or unzip my blouse because he was NOT my type, nice guy but again not my type. I like my men big and thick (body size not dick, well I guess dick too), NOT 95 pounds and who’s butt cheeks combined is the size of ONE of my breasts, and I’m a petite woman. I have  never seen a man so skinny in my life!!

I stayed 30 minutes, announced I had plans (which I did because I had to write this blog) and without a handshake or hug I left. When I got home he sent me a follow-up text message that I think was a compliment but not sure. I have been compared to a lot of sexual things but never this. Keep in mind this man is a doctor.

Him: Yummy! Tan and juicy!

Me: Juicy?

Him: Yup like a Rotisserie Chicken

Me: How do I compare to a Rotisserie Chicken?

Him: Cause I love 2 eat them

Me: Rotisserie Chicken or pussy?

Him: Chicken

Me: Umm…thanks I guess lol.

Him: I’m jerkin it so not in the right state of mind

WTF???

HOW DO YOU MEN COME UP WITH THIS SHIT??? LMAO

 

“Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMEN!!!

27 Apr

Yesterday I decided to call an old guy friend whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to since I moved back to Texas six months ago. I was having a bad day and missed my friends in Florida.

I called and he answered. In the background was the musical sounds of a deranged out of control bitch screaming:

“Is that another one of your whores you fucked? Talk to her, talk to your little slutty whore,” the wife said.

Oh hell no. Not another jealous, egotistical, selfish and close minded female bitch I thought. Didn’t I just blog two days ago about how I’m embarrassed to be associated with the female gender for the reasons described above? I had also blogged two weeks ago suggesting men not marry jealous women or keep their fucking wife in line after I was falsely accused four times, from four different women that I was “fucking their husband”.

Aside from already having a bad day, I was not in the fucking mood to deal with the unnecessary drama and bullshit the wife was screaming in the background!

Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him.

When the screaming demon came to the phone I yelled, “I’M, NOT FUCKING YOUR HUSBAND.”

For the next hour the “wife” and I were in a screaming match. Below are the words that were most frequently used and the number of times they were said:

Wife: Slut 24 Wife: Whore 17 Me: I’m not sleeping with your husband 37 Me: You fucking bitch 14

After an hour of name calling, the conversation shifted to the following:

Wife: My EX husband is a cheating asshole….divorced was finalized in December….my Ex husband is a fucking asshole….

I set the phone down to rotate the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I can still hear her screaming ten feet away.

I pick up the phone to hear…..

Wife: my EX husband is a liar….my EX husband fucked a 23-year old last week….my EX husband will rot in hell….

I need to go to the bathroom. I set the phone down, do my business while I read that Katie Holmes may be preganant, walk back downstairs and rejoin the conversation.

Wife: My EX husband is a piece of shit….glad I divorced him…..I wouldn’t stick that dick in my mouth if he was the last man on earth.

Finally silence. Was she done? Nope the ramblings of the EX wife continued.

I set the phone down again to make me a stiff drink, ten minutes later I made another, then another. Wouldn’t you need a drink to listen and tolerate this bullshit?

Three hours later, my laundry was hung, lasagna cooked, wrote and sent a few emails and now slightly buzzed from the four gin and tonics.

Again the receiving end goes silent. The “wife” is not talking but now she is crying.

Now mentally exhausted, for the 38th I tell the “wife” unconvincingly, “I’m am not, nor did I ever fuck your EX husband.”

Wife: I know but every other woman has, she said sobbing.

Did you notice the trend? Why does this woman care about her EX husbands sex life? Bitch you divorced him, his sex life is none of your business!! What a psycho bitch!

And the classic comment the “wife” made that is humorous and will never forget is…..

Wife: My EX husband told me he paid every time you guys went to dinner. You couldn’t pay for your own damn meal? It pisses me off he was using “our” money to take you to dinner.

My response to this statement was a no brainer. I told her:

Me: At first I tried to pay for my meals but stopped offering when I became beaten down with the stories he told about his psychotic wife. WOMAN, I DESERVED EVERY ONE OF THOSE MEALS!

As for my friend and the EX husband, I feel sorry that he is living this agony even after the divorce, however, dude fucking grow some balls, the pussy can’t be that good!!

This morning I woke up with a hoarse voice, a “Thank you, have a blessed day,” text and a Facebook friend request from the “wife”.

And women wander why men think we are bipolar, psychotic, drama queen BITCHES!!!!

“I had a five-year affair with your fiance”, the live-in housekeeper told me.

24 Apr

I get a call from a familiar voice that I hadn’t spoken to since I had left my ex-fiancé two years ago. She was our “live-in” housekeeper and she had a confession.

“I was the mistress of blank for five years. I am sorry for having an affair with your finance. I am ready to tell you the story.”

I know, but at the time I had not proof!

After four serious relationships, despite they had all resulted in lifetime friendships rather than marriage, I thought I had a knack for selecting “quality” men until I met, dated and moved in with “the doctor”.

Needless to say “the doctor” who was and is stupid rich as most people call it, did not prosper from his practice, but became a medical entrepreneur and who at the time had a net worth of at least 200 million. Due to our progressing relationship, (not the money) I relocated, quite my job as he wished, shopped, laid by the pool, planned parties and of course made him happy, extremely happy WHEN HE WAS HOME.

His arrogance was a result of the power, success and money obtained from his Ernest Young, Entrepreneur of the Year Award. I searched for reasons why he was a good man but the truth was he was only generous, humble and a non selfish role model in the public eye if it benefited him and guaranteed recognition and praise. For example if you were invited for a dinner outing he was always on his best behavior, but if we were alone he belittled and degraded those “serving” him. I often suggested dinner at home to spare the embarrassment, apology and slipping an extra a $100 bill to the waiter for tolerating his demanding and inappropriate behavior.

Needless to say, treating those who “served him” at a restaurant was no different than the 5 live-in housekeepers that came and went in a month. My suspicions arose when he asked me to use my credit card to place an ad for a housekeeper on Care.com because his profile was banned and credit card was recognized. His reasoning was women reported sexual harassment because they wanted his money.
Then Aimme moved in and became our new live-in housekeeper. It was odd and strangely obvious that he treated the new 40-year old housekeeper from Thailand like a Queen comparatively speaking from the previous five. For example, after two days on the job he bought her tickets worth $2000 to the San Antonio Spurs playoff game, told her to sit down and join us for all our meals, hosted her and her friends on special outings on the yacht. Again this is coming from a man whom belittles all those “serving” him!

In my gut, I knew he was cheating but couldn’t prove it despite my numerous creative and scandalous attempts to prove my intuition was true. Then one day while chatting with “the doctor” in our home office, I was exploring the new IPad he had recently bought. Fascinated by all new electronic devices and began exploring all gadgets and applications it had to offer when I just so happened clicked on “email”. I was not being nosy but rather behaving like a kid in the candy store. Then there it was, the proof I had been longing to know. Immediately pops up a craigslist ad in the “casual encounter” category that revealed a picture of “the doctor” with a rather raunchy and naughty title followed by an ad soliciting blow jobs and sex. There were also corresponding emails between him and various women regarding their recent meeting or planning to meet.

He must have seen the shocked look on my face because he runs around the desk towards me and asks me what I was looking at. I tried to get out of the screen but it was too late, he saw his secret was exposed and my suspicions were confirmed.

I had excused myself to go shopping to buy place mates for the party we were hosting later that evening. When I returned home I acted as though nothing had happened and didn’t say a word.

He stopped me, took me in his arms and said, “Sweetie, I was trying to find us a playmate”. Hmmm, don’t remember having this discussion, I thought.

The next day he bought me a new Mercedes and a week later I left him taking only the items I brought into the relationship leaving behind the car, jewelry, clothes, gifts etc.

When I received the surprise call from the housekeeper she admitted to living in a condo he paid for in the city he most often traveled to for work. She told me she moved in with his with the intention that her “Housekeeper” role would be short-term because she was told the girlfriend, me, was on her way out. Now I know why she was surprised when she learned after she moved in that I too, moved in two weeks prior. It also wasnt a shock when she told me they met on sugardaddy.com. I still laugh at my ignorance in the situation and we have been best friends since.

As a result of his infidelity, I now have cervical cancer and cannot bear children.

At the time just before I left him, people told me to look the other way because he gave me a wonderful life full of materialistic values. Now when people comment or make the remark that I should have stayed with him, I give the women his number, a box of condoms and say a prayer.
I have been eliminated in The dating science due to my lack to conceive children.
I had the power, I walked away with dignity. self respect and pride but in some regard it was already to late!

Money is not everything.

UPDATE: PART TWO, I am Sometimes Embarrassed to be Associated with the Female Gender: How Judging Others can BACKFIRE

24 Apr

When I posted “I am sometimes embarrassed to be associated with the female gender”, I did not expect to write a Part Two.

This post was in reference to what my previous boss who had politely relayed via text message, that she did not want to associate with someone (referring to me) whom does not live and uphold Christian values, the same values my blog clearly doesn’t support.

Late last night, I received adisturbing texts from one of my fellow coworkers whom was disgusted and appalled when she read Part One of this post. As a result, she judged me as “Trashy”, stereotyped me as a “Skank” and told me she too did not want to associate with someone, for a lack of better words, who did not uphold the Christian standards she lives by on a daily basis.

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Thank you, I appreciate your opinion and honesty .

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The following dialogue is why I said in my previous post women are” egotistical, jealous, close minded, play games, feed on drama and the first to stir up unnecessary BULLSHIT.”This is also a prime example as to why I am sometimes embarrassed to be associated with the female gender.

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Her: “Wow! You’re post about blank is just RUDE! She’s a wonderful person and has every right to be completely disgusted by your blogs. She was completely respectful and just wanted to be polite in telling you where she stood. And to answer your question…you don’t get laid because you’re trashy!!! What guy would feel proud to sleep with someone who makes herself desperately available for EVERYONE?! That just screams trashy skank with who knows how many diseases! Gross!! Maybe THAT is why you are single…who would have thought?!

Delete my number….I want nothing to do with you.”

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I asked her why she read my blog, she responded:

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Her: “I read it because you posted it on Facebook and I thought, “surely the person who wrote this is not the person we’ve been working with!” I read it tonight because I knew you’d post about blank!”

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Me: “Again I don’t cast no judgment on anyone so you can think what you want about me, call me names etc…I really don’t care.”

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Her: “Good luck to you…I truly hope you find the help you need.”

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Me: “Yes I am so mad right now so many words want to come out of my mouth but instead I will say I forgive you, I love you and may GOD bless you! :).”

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Her: “I do not agree AT ALL with the things you do and say and don’t want to be associated with that. I truly wish you the best in life and I hope you find happiness.”

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This is the same person whom had children out of wedlock. Did I cast judgment? No, she has two beautiful children that bring joy to her life. She is also a person whom slept with an ex-boyfriend but slept with him again knowing he is engaged and is about to be a father. Did I cast judgment? No, there is a similar circumstance that I too have done and not proud of. Although I didn’t judge her others might and WOULD be quick to call her thee same names she called me.

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We have all made choices we regret, and mistake we won’t repeat and have learned from. That my friend is life. Although we will never be perfect, everyday we can strive to be a BETTER person.

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The following are my favorite biblical quotes on “Judging Others”.

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Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;//
Matthew 7:1-5

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

And my favorite……

James 4:11-12

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Again, I am not perfect and will always make mistakes as will thy neighbor. Therefore, I will never cast judgment on what others do or say, but rather show my love for every brother and sister that comes my way because I am no better than any of you.

AMEN

My luck with men…I told you I wasn’t making this shit up!

23 Apr

Yo, you dig this? What time you want me over?

Ummm…I…wow…I don’t know how to respond!

I wander if he would still be interested if I aked him to drink my piss or eat my shit.

He Dumped Me For Another MAN!!!

19 Apr

Image

I know watching two women sexually explore one another’s body is sexy and highly erotic, but is it the new “In Thing” for men to seek the male gender for sexual stimulation?

I’m sorry but I’m trying to avoid my future marriage to reenact scenes from the movie “Brokeback Mountain”. Let me first clarify I am by no meaning homophobic, but I will ONLY date and or marry a man knowing for a FACT that his dick has not been in another man’s ass. After a particular incident that I will explain later, I now ask all my future dating candidates “ARE YOU BISEXUAL OR HAVE ANY BISEXUAL TENDENCIES?”

The Following are a few responses.

Guy #1 “Ummmmm….”

Too long of a response! NEXT….

Guy #2 “Ummmmm”, three seconds later, “I don’t think so”

Closet gay, NEXT…..

Guy #3 “No, but a guy gave me $100 to suck my dick. Come on it was a hundred bucks, who wouldn’t!!”

What guy wouldn’t let another guy suck his dick, I thought? A man who likes PUSSY!!!

Guy #4 “I let a guy suck my dick as my girlfriend at the time watched. It was her fantasy.”

Her fantasy or yours? Dude, pick a chick who doesn’t want a guy to suck your dick!!!!

Guy #5 “I had a girl stick her finger up my ass during sex and it was the hardest and most intense orgasm I ever had. I wouldn’t be opposed to being with man. I often wonder what it would be like”.

Okay, I don’t know what to say to that except, follow your heart but it won’t be with me!

I know not all men is going to be upfront and honest so I sometimes have to play reverse psychology and lead them to think two men having sexual intimacy is HOT!!! Ugh, just talking about it makes me ill. What was the outcome of tricking these men? Three guys, who had earlier proclaimed they like women ONLY, admitted they were curious to know what it would be like with a dick in their ass.

I am very STERN in wanting to know the TRUTH to this question because I do NOT want to witness the traumatizing experience I did with my ex-boyfriend Luke and his gay best friend Mike. The following is unfortunately a true story:

I really liked Luke and I hadn’t slept with him yet in hopes of something long lasting would develop since my one-night stand cycle wasn’t working. It struck me as odd that Luke sometimes accompanied his gay best friend Mike, to gay bars and nightclubs. There were a few nights, Luke had preferred to join Mike at the gay club rather than me. Hey it’s his best friend I thought. The chances of Luke picking up strange pussy at a gay bar was very slim so I never really complained.

One night before Luke was to meet Mike at the gay bar, I jokingly but somewhat seriously asked, “Do you and Mike have something romantic going on,” I said smiling and giggling. Luke took me in his arms, he too was slightly giggling at my question and responded “Mike is my best friend, and I get a kick watching stiff dicks try to hit on me knowing I’m not gay.”

One Friday evening Luke commented that he wanted to spend time with me AND Mike and invited me to come to the gay bar with them. I had met Mike a few times, he was a sweet man and always had me rolling in laughter.

I was excited about the invitation ad didn’t care where we went as long as I was spending time with Luke. A night at the gay bar was fun as I had anticipated, and VERY entertaining. Mike hustled the room for “fresh meat” determined to get laid and I stayed close to Luke making it obvious he was taken!! However, several men throughout the night approached Luke, knowing him on a first name bases followed by a hug and or handshake. Hmmmm….Luke must of made quite an impression with these men since he claims he comes to the gay bar only SOMETIMES!

We left the bar an hour before it closed so we could pick up some beer and grab fast food. I didn’t live far from the bar so I suggested Mike stay over with Luke and I since he had a bit too much to drink. I gave Luke a key to my apartment and told them I would meet them there after I got some beer and hamburgers from McDonalds.

My apartment was on the third floor and enclosed like a “hotel style”. I was tugging my purse, beer and three bags of food. I could easily eat and pass out as I too had a few too many drinks. When I reach the third floor I hear a ruckus echoing through the hallway. I walked toward my apartment located midway down the hall and I could hear two men laughing and yelling. When I got to my door I realized it was Luke and Mike too drunk to be considerate to lower their voices to my neighbors, I thought. I was PISSED! I did not want a noise violation from the landlord because of their drunk dumbasses!!

The door was already unlocked so I walk in ready to cuss their ass out!!

I paused…. I was watching a live gay porno with my boyfriend leaning over the arm of the couch moaning loudly, “harder bitch” as Mike pounded and clapped Luke’s ass with his dick!

What happened after that is irrelevant. Let your imagination run wild and I am sure I said and did all of those things. I sometimes wander if Luke resorted to his gay friend to fulfill his sexual needs because I wasn’t putting out!

Again, I ask, is it the “In Thing” for men to be bisexual or have bisexual tendencies?

Women do you scream “Oh My God…Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Yes, Yes during an orgasm?

18 Apr

Oh Please….”Harder”, “Fuck”, “His Name” and calling myself a “Whore” are the words I yell before, during and after an orgasm.

It is a Pet Peeve when women claim they have had an orgasm but continue to comment and complain about the following:

Describe they’re orgasms as “It Feels Good”!

(WTF??? Your descriptive vocabulary should be the only excuse for your lame ass answer!)

Complain men ONLY want sex.

(Who wouldn’t want to experience such a euphoric
sensation at least twice a day? Sorry but your award winning personality does not compare!!)

Label another woman a “WHORE” because she spreads her legs again and again as she continuously begs for more.

(Thank you, I am glad to be a dirty, naughty “WHORE”. You say it like it’s a bad thing?)

It’s unfortunate and sad that the unhappy, sexually deprived women as described above view sex as a “Chore”. If you had to finally give-in because your headache excuse were exhausted, I am sure you quickly undress with no foreplay, roll your eyes, think about the TV show your missing, give your famous “fake” moaning orgasm in hopes it will expedite the pounding so he will hurry up and cum and FINALLY get the fuck off you!!!

BITCH THIS ISN’T AN ORGASM, AND DOUBT YOU EVER HAD ONE!!!

The next time a woman makes a comment that indicates she is or may be a “Virgin” to an orgasm, I am going to rape that woman’s pussy with my tongue, ignore her plea to stop until her body shivers, squirms, toes tingle and bitch screams asking for another, another…..

Whew, I need to come up for air after for that!

Ladies that is an ORGASM.

Beginning now, you will crave, hunt and prowl for your next stiff dick, interview men for your new “Fuck Buddy” position, and or buy and name the mechanical stimulator you will obsess and use daily in the absence of a dick.

I was grateful that Bob, my former boss, hired me as a Photo Technician at Eckerd’s, but honored he spent two hours giving me the orgasm that would define and explain my slutty behavior. This was better than a raise he never gave me on my paycheck. If the day comes when I meet this man again, I will drop to my knees as a submissive slave, until the king has announced all pleasurable debts have been redeemed to his satisfaction.

I had a crush on Bob who was quite the pervert. He chased female customers around the store not in effort to give them excellent communication but to slip a peak at their cleavage or get a better look at their ass. Not sure what actions or dialogue initiated the situation but after work one day he drove me to his apartment 45 minutes away. Although I was a virgin, I was not shy to announce that area was “off limits”.

He respected the “No Dick Allowed” request and instead the intimate area became a playground for his tongue. I didn’t know exactly what this man was doing or his intentions but I grew uncomfortable, embarrassed and the word “Yuk” came to mind when he was exploring this area.

After an hour and half, I knew he was determined to make me “cum”. Finally, I allowed my mind to surrender all doubt and hesitation, let his tongue overcome my body so he man could give me the “Gift” he knew I hadn’t yet experienced.

Prior to my orgasm, I remember thinking “Please don’t stop” as I was blindsided by this pleasantly scary feeling. Then during I was begging him not to stop, and after thinking “Wow. What the fuck was that?”

Hours later, I was the proud owner of my first multi speed vibrator which I discarded years ago after battery frustration, got a “Fuck Buddy”, masturbate both morning and night and seek the strange dick more often than I should.

My goal is to make sure all women have experienced such an exhilarating moment which defines her sexuality and womanhood.

If you know or have any doubt you have not had an orgasm, please message me and I would love to host and be the one to warmly welcome you to the “Wonderful World of being a Whore”!!!

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