Do I have a sign stuck to my ass that reads “IF YOUR UNHAPPILY MARRIED AND MY FACE BOOK FRIEND, FOLLOW ME!!!”

8 Apr

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I have always had strong beliefs against infidelity in marriages. Although I have never been married, my relationship rules have been Don’t Lie, Don’t Cheat and Don’t Hit Me!! Then recently, my  beliefs on infidelity were put to the test when three different MARRIED men in my friend list on Face book proposed sex.

(NOTE: I was about to post this blog when I read an article about how 20 percent of divorces last year were a result of Face book infidelity. I wish I had acquired this knowledge two months ago, I would have been more prepared)

I have never been active on Face book. I didn’t see the point in broadcasting my whereabouts and or complementing and ranting about my day when I could utilize my time more productively.

I created a Face book page four years ago but was inconsistent during the two months I was active, and nonexistent for the next four years.

I recently moved back to Texas from Florida and due to my absence, all contact was lost with old friends. I figured Face book would be a good avenue to reconnect. I couldn’t remember my email and password for my previous Face book account, and after contacting FB about this matter, I had to create a new account.

One night I started searching names, sent friend requests, and searched in their friend list for those people I had forgotten. At the time I disregarded their “info” page with the intention of reading it later. For the most part, a profile picture gave me a general idea of their current lifestyle status such as a couple holding a baby or them solo holding a beer.

In the process of sending friend requests, almost simultaneously I had received three instant messages from three different male childhood friends.

I chatted with them each for about an hour on the usual “What have you been up to” questions. They talked about their marriage and kids, and I shared my recent ex-convict boyfriend story and adventure in Florida.

Eventually, they each suggested they wanted to meet me and reunite over a “casual” drink and or dinner. I asked them when and where they would like to meet. The following is a summary of the men and their responses:

Guy #1

He had lived a few streets back from me, knew of him, but we never spoke more than two sentences. He was the “trouble maker” and obviously didn’t share the same circle of friends. Honestly, I was shocked that he had remembered me and even more surprised when he said he had a crush on me in those days. (Haha, whatever, not buying it). He looked different without the silver chains around his neck, and took a few moments to process the family photo he sent me with the wife and kids. He was quite scary back then but now appeared to be above normal so I accepted his invitation to meet and reunite. I was about to suggest Starbucks but instead made the mistake asking the broad and open ended question, “where and what did you have in mind?”

Guy #1: Well, do you live alone?

Me: Yes

Guy #1: Well, since you’re off Monday, I can take a half day off from work, come over at 1ish, pick up takeout and a FEW bottles of wine. We can relax, lounge and catch up in a comfortable setting. I do however need to be home for dinner with the wife and kids by 6.

Is that a sex invitation I thought? I scroll up to view our messages but saw no such dialogue that would give him the impression, “I Wanted to Fuck!!” He’s married with kids, not that it matters I thought. Surely he does not want to exchange lunch and wine for a piece of ASS. I was a little stumped, so I thought I would compromise and asked:

Me: What about Starbucks?

Guy #1: Silence…..I am still waiting for a response.

One guy down, two to go…..

Guy #2

Back in the day, this man was smart, good looking, a stud football player and dated one of my best friends throughout junior high. After high school we lost touch, but throughout the years friends would comment on his whereabouts and was often described as “alcoholic”, “fat”, “player”, etc.  When he informed me about his wife and kids I was intrigued as to how this “special” woman, his wife, helped him clean up his act, or if it was a “let’s get married because we’re pregnant” situation. It didn’t matter, I was very impressed and happy for him. He too said he was “happy and grateful for his family and all the blessings GOD continued to put into his life”. I really looked forward to seeing me and when he asked, “when do you want to meet”, I said:

Me: My schedule is flexible. Let me know when is good for you. I also wouldn’t mind meeting your family.

Guy#2: Things have been hectic lately, how about “blank” weekend? The wife is taking the kids on a mini road trip to visit her mother. We can have dinner and if you want afterwards you can come to my house. We can watch movies and play the night by ear.

Only one thought comes to mind, WHAT THE FUCK???? Is this ANOTHER fucking sex invitation??? What about the “grateful”, “GOD” and “blessings” bullshit he mentioned five minutes earlier? Okay, it is possible the message was relayed inaccurately, or I was jumping to conclusions because of the conversation with Guy #1. I sent the following reply:

Me: What do you mean, “Play the night by ear”?

A long pause….then the instant messaging screen said he was tying so after a few minutes when it showed he was still tying, I was prepared to read a book. He must have wrote, deleted, wrote, deleted, trying to figure out what he was going to say because I got the following reply:

Guy #2: You know, have fun, no rules and play out the night with our imaginationJ.

Some people never do change I thought. I rolled my eyes and closed instant messaging screen without a response. I started to have remorse for the wife’s of both Guy #1 and #2. Maybe I need to rethink my future goal of finding a husband and getting married I thought.

Two guys down and one still standing.

Now all my attention was focused on Guy #3, who happened to be my sweetheart and first kiss. A guy I often thought about throughout the years such as where and what he was up to, but more importantly wanted to know if he was single. We never explored past French kissing but had always wanted and regretted him NOT being the one to take my virginity. Needless to say, I was slightly disappointed when I found out he was married and had a daughter. If he was happy, so was I. I always wanted the best for him, despite how WET I was becoming just by chatting with him

While chatting, I visited his Face book wall, and there were an overwhelming number of people whom posted “Happy Anniversary”. Indeed, today was their 3 years wedding anniversary. I couldn’t help but ask him “What the hell are you doing talking to me at 10PM on your anniversary night? Shouldn’t you be having a romantic evening with the wife?”

Needless to say he gave me an ear full about his unhappy marriage that consisted of HER infidelity. It was getting late so I announced I was about to go to bed and asked if he had any more questions for me, not sure when or if we would chat again. I sometimes wonder if the “Do you have any questions for me” was a mistake, because I was not at all prepared, or expecting for what he was about to ask:

Guy #3: I have two questions for you: “Will you fly to “blank” city with me on Monday, stay the week and have the time of our lives”? And will you have sex with me”?

Whoa!!! I pause…….

Wait, why am I pausing I thought? Am I shocked because he bluntly asked to fuck me instead beating around the bush as the other guys did? Not sure.

Do I have a busy work schedule next week I thought? Wait, why am I considering this? I had just labeled Guy #1 and #2 assholes for the premeditated planning of cheating on their wife.

I thought for a moment. For so long I have wanted and waited for the moment to “make love” with Guy #3, but the word “MARRIED” kept popping in my mind. I had never slept with a married man, nor did I desire to, but for some fucked up reason I wasn’t quick to say NO to him.

My mind was racing with thoughts, feelings and emotions. I even had flash backs of the pictures I saw an hour ago of his wife and daughter, not to mention him asking me this question on the same day three years ago, when he vowed to love, cherish and be faithful to this woman for better or worse blah, blah, blah. Never been married so haven’t rehearsed vows, but I assume those words are promised before one says “I do”.

I had two choices:

Choice A: If we EVER meet, I knew for a fact before we hugged, my clothes would already be off.

Choice B: I could NEVER meet him, and pray the forces of nature would keep his far apart so I wouldn’t have the opportunity to put the naughty thoughts of devouring him in every way possible into action.

The cursor was blinking and he was still waiting for my response. Please LORD, remove these horrible thoughts from my mind and restore me to sanity!! Amen.

I took a deep breath, sighed, typed my response and clicked “send”.

I will blog my answer later, but can my readers guess what I said?

3 Responses to “Do I have a sign stuck to my ass that reads “IF YOUR UNHAPPILY MARRIED AND MY FACE BOOK FRIEND, FOLLOW ME!!!””

  1. sadiepenn May 21, 2012 at 2:53 PM #

    Thank you for checking out my blog today. I have been working my way through your posts from the beginning as I hate to read backward through time. I am enjoying your writing and your view on these many subjects that effect our lives today. My husband is not on Facebook (and he thinks that any guy on Facebook is a pussy) but if he were I am sure it would have been a disaster.

  2. John the Aussie June 4, 2012 at 9:37 AM #

    My guess would be along the lines of “Fuck off”

  3. datingbitch June 4, 2012 at 9:39 AM #

    Geez…how did you know??? LOL

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