ATTENTION MARRIED MEN: Please do one or all of the following; Don’t cheat, Don’t marry jealous women and please keep your wife in line!!

9 Apr

I recently text messaged all my married guy friends, most of which I have known since elementary school, to delete my number to avoid any and all future drama such as the following…..

After the recent sex proposals from three different men in my “friend list” on Face book, I was awoken the other day at 6AM by the following text message:

“How do you know my husband? This is his wife, and I would like to know who you are?”

The number associated with this text was not in my contact list so I scrolled up to see if there were earlier text messages. There were four short, yet brief text messages that revealed whose wife was messaging me. Why she didn’t attempt to be discreet and message me from her phone, I don’t know. She was married to one of my old college friends, whom I had no intimate relations with back in the day, had not seen in 12 years, and briefly spoke to last week when we reunited on Face book. He had instant messaged me one day just as I was about to leave the office. It was not an easy task to continue via messaging on the face book app on my phone while I was now driving, so I gave him my phone number so he could call and continue our conversation. He called shortly after and we chatted for about 20 minutes while he was gardening with the wife on the front lawn. I could hear the wife in the background and he occasionally yelled at the kids not to get in the street. We talked, asked and answered the common “what have you been up to questions” and that was it!!! I hadn’t directly spoken to him since and all future communication consisted only of comments we would make on one another’s wall on Face book.

Half asleep, frustrated and now royally pissed off due to the recent sex proposals from my FB married male friends, this woman had no idea I was not in the FUCKING mood to deal with childish and completely unnecessary drama as a result of their unhappy, unfaithful and fucked up marriage as I could already anticipate. Before I got in the shower for work, I replied with the following text message:

“I know your husband from college. I haven’t seen him in 12 years and recently reunited on Face book. Why do you ask?”

I knew exactly why she asked, but wanted her to openly accuse me of fucking her husband so I could rip into her about her inaccurate/jealous and inappropriate behavior that was obviously geared towards the WRONG woman, which was ME. Again, I was not in the fucking mood!!

I received the following reply message:

“Ok thanks…didn’t mean to sound rude. He and I are currently in a fight and he tends to do stuff like this. He never told me about you so I assumed it was something bad. He used to cheat until we got back together, and things were going good when we got back together. You are the second old acquaintance he has hid from me. I am sure your intentions are good but can’t say that about him. Who knows what he is thinking right now. Thanks for texting me back. Take care.”

I was relieved by her response and did not initiate further communication. Later that day, her husband, my old friend instant messaged me on FB asking “What’s up?” I was a little pissed off by his nonchalant behavior and asked him to lose my number and told him why. He responded:

“She text messaged you from my phone? Don’t worry about her, I will handle it. She is crazy”, he proclaimed.

I thought the situation was forgotten and solved until two days later when I receive the following text:

“Why don’t you admit your sleeping with my husband!!!”

I responded, “IF YOU WANT TO TALK, THEN CALL!”

When she called minutes later, I was so pissed off I had a blackout moment. I don’t exactly remember what I said but when I was finished I heard crying on the other end. She apologized for the wrongful acquisition and our conversation continued for three hours. I don’t remember saying much but rather listening to an unhappy married woman that disclosed intimate details of her marriage including and not limited to infidelity, sex, fighting etc.

Despite being a woman who is highly unqualified, I played the role of Mrs. Dr Phil, gave her my advice on their marriage problems, wished her luck and hoped all future communication would cease.

Thankfully, I have not heard from either of them since, and hoping I made my point and their marriage is back on track.

Unfortunately, this was not the first text message I have received from a wife accusing me of sleeping with her husband.

I work in property management and before I moved back to Texas from Florida, a man in his early 50’s came to my office looking for an apartment. When I asked for his driver’s license, which is standard procedure before showing an apartment, he handed me a Texas DL and immediately developed a connection. I was trying to move back to Texas to be closer to my family and he was leaving Texas to purchase a golf course in Florida, and was currently going through a divorce. We were both lonely in different ways and began hanging out every day whether it was texting, calling, dinner or drinks. For months I had listened patiently as he vented about his wife cheating on him with her high school sweetheart. Most of these conversations resulted in me hugging him when he broke down in tears after mentioning his wife. I remember thinking, “This is a good man whom is still very much in love with his wife of 25 years.” I hated to see him go through this. There was not a sexual relationship between him and I, but rather a true and honest friendship.

When summer came his kids came to visit him in Florida and I didn’t see him for two months. Two weeks before I was about to move back to Texas, I get the following text message:

“This is, so and so wife. What’s your relationship with my husband”?

It kind of took me off guard being I hadn’t seen or talked to her husband in two months. I had responded the truth and said her husband was only a friend. I no longer have those text messages so I can’t quote further conversation but the accusations and dialogue was getting out of control. No matter what I said she didn’t believe me. She said she looked at his cell phone records and saw the overwhelming daily calls and text messages sent to one another. We were getting nowhere so I suggested her call instead of texting, after all I had nothing to hide.

I was quick to convince her that her husband and I were nothing more than friends. Without going into too much detail I informed her of the love he still had for her despite her infidelity. She never denied cheating but like the previous wife, she gave me a detailed breakdown of their marriage difficulties that didn’t last three DAYS.

Finally she was done venting and our communication drifted. I occasionally get a text message from her wishing me a happy holiday, like I did today for Easter. I have not talked to her or her husband in over a year. I hope they worked out their marriage problems, and or hope they both are happy and doing well.

I can’t help but think that IF I sleep with a married man and get the “what’s your relationship with my husband” text, what the wife would say when I give her the answer she doesn’t want to hear. Sorry but if you don’t want to know the truth, don’t ask!!

I am NOT a marriage counselor, so please take your marriage problems elsewhere!!!

3 Responses to “ATTENTION MARRIED MEN: Please do one or all of the following; Don’t cheat, Don’t marry jealous women and please keep your wife in line!!”

  1. babes May 18, 2012 at 9:35 AM #

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  2. datingbitch May 18, 2012 at 9:40 AM #

    Wow, thank you! You made my day! 🙂

  3. John the Aussie June 4, 2012 at 9:45 AM #

    I’ve gotten the “how do you know my wife / girl” no matter what I always answer back (if they are using the wife / girl’s phone) “We use to be fuck buddies, but she said she is with a great guy now, so it’s time for me to move on. Luckily I did, mate Have a great marrage.”

    I had one bloke call me as I absaently mindenly replied, to forget they were highschool sweethearts and me and him played footy together, luckily he thought it was a rort I do it to everyine..

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