“Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMEN!!!

27 Apr

Yesterday I decided to call an old guy friend whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to since I moved back to Texas six months ago. I was having a bad day and missed my friends in Florida.

I called and he answered. In the background was the musical sounds of a deranged out of control bitch screaming:

“Is that another one of your whores you fucked? Talk to her, talk to your little slutty whore,” the wife said.

Oh hell no. Not another jealous, egotistical, selfish and close minded female bitch I thought. Didn’t I just blog two days ago about how I’m embarrassed to be associated with the female gender for the reasons described above? I had also blogged two weeks ago suggesting men not marry jealous women or keep their fucking wife in line after I was falsely accused four times, from four different women that I was “fucking their husband”.

Aside from already having a bad day, I was not in the fucking mood to deal with the unnecessary drama and bullshit the wife was screaming in the background!

Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him.

When the screaming demon came to the phone I yelled, “I’M, NOT FUCKING YOUR HUSBAND.”

For the next hour the “wife” and I were in a screaming match. Below are the words that were most frequently used and the number of times they were said:

Wife: Slut 24 Wife: Whore 17 Me: I’m not sleeping with your husband 37 Me: You fucking bitch 14

After an hour of name calling, the conversation shifted to the following:

Wife: My EX husband is a cheating asshole….divorced was finalized in December….my Ex husband is a fucking asshole….

I set the phone down to rotate the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I can still hear her screaming ten feet away.

I pick up the phone to hear…..

Wife: my EX husband is a liar….my EX husband fucked a 23-year old last week….my EX husband will rot in hell….

I need to go to the bathroom. I set the phone down, do my business while I read that Katie Holmes may be preganant, walk back downstairs and rejoin the conversation.

Wife: My EX husband is a piece of shit….glad I divorced him…..I wouldn’t stick that dick in my mouth if he was the last man on earth.

Finally silence. Was she done? Nope the ramblings of the EX wife continued.

I set the phone down again to make me a stiff drink, ten minutes later I made another, then another. Wouldn’t you need a drink to listen and tolerate this bullshit?

Three hours later, my laundry was hung, lasagna cooked, wrote and sent a few emails and now slightly buzzed from the four gin and tonics.

Again the receiving end goes silent. The “wife” is not talking but now she is crying.

Now mentally exhausted, for the 38th I tell the “wife” unconvincingly, “I’m am not, nor did I ever fuck your EX husband.”

Wife: I know but every other woman has, she said sobbing.

Did you notice the trend? Why does this woman care about her EX husbands sex life? Bitch you divorced him, his sex life is none of your business!! What a psycho bitch!

And the classic comment the “wife” made that is humorous and will never forget is…..

Wife: My EX husband told me he paid every time you guys went to dinner. You couldn’t pay for your own damn meal? It pisses me off he was using “our” money to take you to dinner.

My response to this statement was a no brainer. I told her:

Me: At first I tried to pay for my meals but stopped offering when I became beaten down with the stories he told about his psychotic wife. WOMAN, I DESERVED EVERY ONE OF THOSE MEALS!

As for my friend and the EX husband, I feel sorry that he is living this agony even after the divorce, however, dude fucking grow some balls, the pussy can’t be that good!!

This morning I woke up with a hoarse voice, a “Thank you, have a blessed day,” text and a Facebook friend request from the “wife”.

And women wander why men think we are bipolar, psychotic, drama queen BITCHES!!!!

18 Responses to ““Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMEN!!!”

  1. Keith P April 27, 2012 at 10:31 AM #

    LOL! And a Facebook friend to boot! As if you want to be ‘friends’ with her. Sounds like the guy is a real jerk though (rarely is someone suspicious or jealous without a reason… but it does happen)…

  2. PDX Running Chick April 27, 2012 at 10:31 AM #

    Um, yeah. . . I hope you declined the friend request. Who needs that shit?

  3. pehayes4244 April 27, 2012 at 11:00 AM #

    LMAO! Yes, I spared the drama!

  4. makingredwishes April 27, 2012 at 11:54 AM #

    I LOVE IT! LOL I laughed out loud at this!

  5. makingredwishes April 27, 2012 at 11:55 AM #

    I am posting this on my blog! HYSTERICAL!

  6. thesecretsofasouthernbelle April 27, 2012 at 12:32 PM #

    I’m just stopping by to let you know that I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! You can check it out on my page! 🙂
    http://thesecretsofasouthernbelle.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/the-versatile-blogger-award/

  7. Toccara April 27, 2012 at 2:49 PM #

    Lmao wow. She is crazy.

  8. pehayes4244 April 27, 2012 at 3:20 PM #

    You never know what a woman is thinking. Hell I’m a woman and I don’t understand my gender.

  9. pehayes4244 April 27, 2012 at 3:22 PM #

    Thanks, you made my day and glad I made you laugh.

  10. pehayes4244 April 27, 2012 at 3:22 PM #

    Thank you!!

  11. pehayes4244 April 27, 2012 at 3:28 PM #

    She does not stand alone LOL.

  12. Nothing Nice, Nothing Sweet! April 28, 2012 at 10:40 PM #

    That’s a fukin’ awesome story.
    I know it happened exactly that way too.
    Awesome. You are one hell of a bitch.
    Great blog.

  13. Debra Colby-Conklin April 30, 2012 at 11:05 AM #

    I’m often asked why I don’t have more women friends and my only response is…”Cuz we’re bitches and who wants to hang out with a bitch all night?” Gimme a beer and a bar full of men watching football…I understand that language much better.

  14. kellig April 30, 2012 at 8:48 PM #

    wow. you nailed that on the frikkin head. over and over i hear crazy ass stories… from friends from clients… who needs the drama? and why are so many women like that? have some fucking self respect and kick his ass to the curb the first time he does it, and NEVER LOOK BACK! god. women. we are nuts, lol. i might repost this. and you are making me feel guilty about he versatile blogger thing… i recd one a while ago and never did anything with it…lazy mostly.

  15. Maria Zarif May 10, 2012 at 12:06 PM #

    Sometimes controlling a guy is by doing that….all the shouting and screaming,well sometimes. Don’t you agree?
    And ehh… women. All I can say that, they are just women.

  16. Lisa May 10, 2012 at 3:41 PM #

    ZOMG, you are hilarious. Love your writing style girl! So glad you found me and I turn found you. I think I need to add you to my blogrolls 🙂

  17. datingbitch May 10, 2012 at 4:37 PM #

    Yeah I’m a woman and I don’t even understand our gender!!

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