My Last Day as a Stripper……

2 May

 

(WARNING: I am about to share a true story that forever changed my life 10 years ago on May 1, 2002. Please bear with me because this was hard to write. I hope I don’t make you cry)

 

I try to call your mother but there is no privacy. I walk to the front of the strip club and police are roping off the crime scene with yellow and black tape. I go round to the back of the building and police are everywhere searching for evidence. I walk back inside and your friends and co-workers are crying and being interviewed by law enforcement. I head for the dressing room, the same trail you and I walked hundreds of times beside one another. I enter and lock the bathroom stall behind me as I clutch onto my phone, not prepared to make the call to your mother, after all you are only 20 years old.

 

I dial, the phone rings, and your mother answers with the ’you woke me up’ tone.
I say nothing, I only cry.
Her: Priscilla is that you?

 

I’m choking on my tears.
Her: What’s wrong? What happened?              

 

Me: Ty… (Crying)….ler….h… (Crying)…e’s…de…. (Crying)….ad
Her: What? Oh my God, what happened?
I could hear her wake up your father who was lying in bed beside her to break the bad news.
Me: Mrs. Long, your son is dead because of me. I’m so sorry, I said still weeping uncontrollably.

 

It was an ordinary day at the apartment. We were both scheduled to work, you as the dance manager and I as another unreliable ‘stripper’ who hated her job. Remember you often had to drag my lazy ass to work? I made many excuses to avoid taking my clothes off for another disgusting stiff dick who would go home and jack off thinking about the naughty lap dance I had given him.

 

This particular day my excuse consisted of studying for my final exams and having spent the night hugging my pillow while I watched old sappy love movies, which you hated.
You slapped my feet as they rested comfortably on the coffee table and said “Get your ass up, you’re going to work with me.” We debated on the subject for an hour. Aside from trying to convince me the money would be good because it was a Saturday night, and I needed to make my car payment, that I obviously didn’t have, your real reasoning for dragging me to work that day was because you liked working with me. I was your partner in crime, your best friend, roommate, co-worker and college classmate. Sometimes you gave up during our debate on this subject but most of the time you won.

 

My complaining about working that day continued during the two-mile drive to work. You firmly clinched my leg and with a smile you said, “It will be fun, trust me.” You pulled your car in the parking lot, where the pink flashing billboard sign of a naked woman stood, gave your keys as usual to Rob, the valet guy who was your second best friend and together we walked up the steps leading to the double doors we both dreaded entering and referred to as hell.

 

Once in the dressing room you immediately interrupted a cat fight with two of the “day time” dancers. I joined my fellow strippers on the bench, staring at myself in the mirror wandering why I let you talk me into coming to work when I could be at home watching Seinfeld. You checked the dance list and called to recruit more dancers, I continued to drag ass to get ready only wondering which Seinfeld episode I was missing.
“You better hurry up, you’re on main stage next,” you said slightly yanking my ponytail flirtingly.
“Yeah, I heard the DJ,” I replied.
You chuckled, sat next to me and said, “Do I need ask the DJ to cover for you again?”

 

You are referring to the fact my makeup is not yet fully applied, my hair not curled and my dress and 7 inch stripper shoes are still in the locker I have not yet opened.
“I told you before we left the apartment I didn’t want come,” I said applying the blush again to my already rosy cheeks.

 

There were a few seconds of silence, you still sitting next to me facing the lockers and me still staring at my disgusting self in the mirror when you said, “I tell you what, if you’re on main stage within five seconds after Ruben (the DJ) calls your name I promise not to kick out any of your customers tonight.”

 

Now you have my attention….

 

You had been suspended twice, hospitalized once, suffered a fractured rib and put many of my male customers in the hospital for touching me inappropriately, not to mention interrupting my cash flow. Any other stripper it was three strikes and you were out but me, my customers were thrown own without a fair warning.

 

“So what do you say,” you asked?

 

“Deal.” I said, and we shook on it. (Remember this ASSHOLE????)

 

“Then get your ass on stage,” you said this time flirtingly slapping my ass.

 

You stood ten feet back from main stage smiling and giving me the thumbs up sign when I entered main stage with a second to spare. The night went smoothly, you did not fuck with my customers as you promised, and thanks to our hand shake I was making money. At 1AM our eyes met. We were both proud of one another. I was on time when I entered the main stage and you hadn’t yet grabbed one of my customer’s balls and kicked them out as you usually did.  I did spot you several times lurking during a few of my lap dances, but you kept your cool and were true to your promise. And your reward for such good behaviour was when I blew you a kiss and you caught it smiling.

Then fifty-two minutes before closing time I approached the table I now regret. I sat in the lap of one of the four Hispanic men who could barely speak English and who gave me a $20 tip on main stage.  It was easy and fast money considering there was a language barrier. I gave the man in the white shirt at the table $320 worth of lap dances, who was drunk and incredibly horny, which explained his inappropriate, touchy behaviour.

 

I spotted you several times while dancing for him and watched you shift your weight from one foot to the other, trying to hold your end of the deal and reframe from kicking the asshole out of the club. I gave you the, “I got this, I’m a big girl” glance and you hesitantly backed away.  I gave him five dances and took a break, five more and another break. Then mid way in twelfth dance the man leaned forward and bit my nipple. Remember? There was no time to respond, you had already grabbed my shoulders, pushed me back, twisted the man’s shirt and literally carried him out of the club with the man’s shoes a good ten inches from the floor.

 

You lost and I won, I thought laughing to myself. You surrendered with only ten minutes until the party was over. I stood at fourth stage by the front door as I covered my breasts with one hand, and held my clothes in the other, standing only in my T-back awaiting for you to come back in to give you shit about losing our bet.

 

Then I heard the DJ announce bubble gum shots in the parking lot, code word for fight. Three managers run past me and out the front door almost knocking me over. The double doors to the entrance swing open and I briefly see your 6’6, 295 pound body lying on the brick concrete in front of the main entrance.

 

I run towards you.

 

I am now standing over your head as I watch a river of your blood stream down the front steps of the club. I kneel beside you still only wearing my T-back. Your white button down shirt revealed one bullet hole, then another, and another. There were too many gunshot wounds to count. I lay my body onto yours in hopes to stop the bleeding; I didn’t even notice our fellow co-workers wrapped a blanket around my bare body. I can now hear the sirens getting nearer. I perform CPR but you’re still not breathing.

 

 Then I look into your eyes and realized you are dead. Your energetic and enthusiastic spirit we all love was no longer glowing. I scream, I cry, I shake you to come back to me but no response. I feel someone or something pulling me away but I fight, I cling onto you with all my might hoping you will come back to me. But you don’t. You continued to lay there lifeless as I was covered in your blood.

 

After five hours of sobbing, watching paramedics cover you with a black blanket and being interviewed by the police, I get in your 76 Ford Mustang you named ‘Suzie’, your baby you would never let me drive, despite how many times I pleaded. The same car you drove us to work in that day and were supposed to drive us home in. An investigator was worried about me driving due to my devastation of your death and followed me back to ‘our’ but now ’my’ apartment.

 

My head is pounding from crying but I don’t care and with the little energy I had left I walked up the stairs to the second floor of our apartment, the same steps we walked down together 15 hours earlier. I hold your keys, the same key you locked our apartment with when we left, and the key you were suppose to use when we got home. Our front door swings open. I want to plop on the couch and you massage my feet like you do every night after we get home from work, but you’re not here. The shoes I asked you to take to your room before we left are still firmly planted on the living room floor. You said you would put them up when we got home but you can’t, you’re no longer here. I go throughout the apartment and turn over every picture of ‘us,’ I even threw our 1st place mud race trophy through the glass patio door. I enter your room and can still smell the cologne you sprayed on before we left. I collapse on your bed as I often did when you held me as I cried about a guy or failed a test.

 

For the next two days my tears soaked your pillow.

 

I am so FUCKING mad. I don’t know who to be angrier at, you or your killer!!! Why didn’t you fucking listen to me??? I didn’t want to go to work that day!! I’m a big girl, I can ward off evil and perverted men, and you don’t always have to protect me!!! If you hadn’t drug me to work that day and or stuck to our deal you would be laying beside me right now.

 

I HATE YOU!!! I cry harder.

 

“Yes, I do need to protect you. You’re my best friend,” you would say with a smile.

 

I didn’t go to your viewing. I didn’t think I could hold it together. I arrived 15 minutes late to your funeral. It was standing room only. I spotted your mother sitting at the first pew of the church and squeezed beside her. Tears rolling down both our cheeks, she took my hand into hers and we shared the, “I miss, and love him” look. That was the last thing I remember at your funeral. I blacked out. Our friends say I tried to jump in the coffin with you, shook you, begging for you to wake up, but I don’t remember any of that.

 

Apparently I didn’t snap back to reality until I was standing amongst your friends and family at the gravesite. You were being lowered into the ground, with thousands of red roses that had been gently laid on top of you by each and every one of us when we got the call….. The man who shot and murdered you was caught and now behind bars. But still justice has not yet been served.

 

May the man who killed you rot in hell and you rest in peace. In less than a year I will be sitting front row for the best movie I will ever watch. When the poison is injected into your murderer, and I watch his life being taken away as he took away yours. That is the day justice will be served and I will smile again.

 

After the funeral your mother gave me your daily journal that I never knew you had. She said she felt bad because she thought she was invading your privacy. She continued to say it would be in my best interest to read it that is when I was ready.

 

A year after you died I got a bottle of wine, poured a glass and opened your journal I had safely tucked away waiting for this moment. I read how much fun you had during our trip to Florida and how you planned my surprise birthday party. All your entries made me laugh, cry or both.

 

Then I read what you wrote two days before you died.

The day after you were murdered you had a special evening for the two of us. We were to have a romantic dinner at the restaurant, “The Craft” and stay in a penthouse suite at the Crescent Hotel in downtown Dallas.

 

I continue to read….I cry if not harder than the day you died.

 

I close your journal weeping about what I had just read. I couldn’t believe it. You were my best friend and nothing more….

 

My answer is yes, I will marry you! I only wish I could tell you in person.

 

I love you and always will.
Tyler Long April 12, 1981-May 1, 2002

On 13 August 2012 22:08, Priscilla Hayes <priscillahayes2007@yahoo.com> wrote:

57 Responses to “My Last Day as a Stripper……”

  1. lolosofocused May 2, 2012 at 2:44 PM #

    😦 ((HUGGSS)))…

  2. Summer May 2, 2012 at 2:48 PM #

    Such a shame. I’m sorry for your loss and heartache.

  3. alltheavenueslookugly May 2, 2012 at 2:51 PM #

    i can’t begin to describe the emotions i felt reading this – and in the way you told this very personal story. It is a beautifully tragic piece, and thank you so much for sharing it with us.
    *hugs to you*

  4. theoutspokenphoenix May 2, 2012 at 4:37 PM #

    I can’t begin to express the hurt I feel while I read your blog today. I thought maybe I would get through without crying, yet here I am, sniffling, crying and knowing your pain. If I could reach through my computer screen, just to put a hand on your shoulder and let you know you are not alone, I would.

    Many hugs

  5. theoutspokenphoenix May 2, 2012 at 4:46 PM #

    Reblogged this on theoutspokenphoenix and commented:
    As I wipe my face, and sniffle away, I understand another woman’s pain. When we read another person’s blog, we get to know them, to become a part of their lives. I came across a woman’s blog a week or so ago, and have become an avid reader of everything she writes. She seems much like me, no shame to express what is on her mind.

    Today, she shared a part of her life, a career she didn’t want to be in, and the loss of someone truly dear to her. I cried, I could feel what she was going through while I read, could relate to her, and understood how in a way she may blame herself.

  6. bossymoksie May 2, 2012 at 4:50 PM #

    😦

  7. pehayes4244 May 2, 2012 at 5:15 PM #

    I am crying uncontrolably, thank you!

  8. pehayes4244 May 2, 2012 at 5:15 PM #

    Thank you so much! I needed the extra day off from work to cry.

  9. asianbadass May 2, 2012 at 5:26 PM #

    Thank you so much for posting such an obviously heart wrenching moment in your life and sharing it with us. It must have been incredibly difficult. So again I say thank you and I’m sure the reason why your heart’s so full is because he’s there. Hope you’re smiling again soon!

  10. LJ May 2, 2012 at 6:20 PM #

    This post deserves affirmation of some kind beyond pressing the “Like” button. I want to tread lightly because I know what it is to suffer and grieve, and your words resonate. There is so much I would love to say, but I suppose it’s best to just say that I visited you here today. I read what you wrote. It is powerful, raw, and profoundly beautiful in that his love for you and your love for him came through. After I read your post, I said to myself, “He saw her. He really SAW her, and he loved her.” May that be your identifier as you endure the dating scene (or not). You’re still the beautiful, beloved woman that he wanted to marry. You’ll always be beloved…

  11. sobnyc May 2, 2012 at 6:33 PM #

    Hello friend,

    I was simply dropping by to say thanks for liking my post “bye bye to the birds and the bees”. Then I stumbled upon your post.

    Very well written, I like it.

    Keep up the great work.

    -Peace

  12. deliriousbibliophiliac May 2, 2012 at 7:50 PM #

    My God.

    Thank you for sharing your passion with us. Thank you for sharing your love and your grief. You have such a gift with words, and communicate so clearly and powerfully!! My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you had to suffer such a tragic loss. I’m glad that you have survived, and kept your spirit, and lived to tell Tyler’s story. Thank you so much.

  13. deliriousbibliophiliac May 2, 2012 at 7:51 PM #

    My God.

    Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing your passion, your love, and your grief with us. You have such a gift with words, and communicate your feelings so powerfully!!! I grieve with you and for you. I’ll be thinking of you all night. Good luck. ❤

  14. fulltimegangsta May 2, 2012 at 8:12 PM #

    Thank you for being brave and sharing. I’m so sorry that this happened ❤ hugs and kisses

  15. christinarussell May 2, 2012 at 8:45 PM #

    I’m so sorry for your loss.

  16. mindfulofchatter May 2, 2012 at 9:31 PM #

    Thank you for sharing. It must have been very difficult for you. So sorry for your loss.

  17. mommahasapottymouth May 2, 2012 at 11:10 PM #

    Such raw emotion. You showed such venerability. I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine how you must still feel. I be thinking about this post for a long time.

  18. twindaddy May 3, 2012 at 5:31 AM #

    What a horrible situation. I must admit I was skeptical when you said something about crying at the beginning of the post, but I have a huge lump in my throat after reading that.

    I am truly sorry for your loss and I’m glad that they caught the bastard who did this and that he got what he deserved.

    It is truly a fucked up world we live in.

  19. frankoshanko May 3, 2012 at 9:41 AM #

    Wow. How sad! This is your best post that I’ve seen. I bet it was therapeutic to write. It brought tears to my eyes. If I were you, it’d been a river of tears. Sharing and facing brings slow healing. God bless you. Frank

  20. pehayes4244 May 3, 2012 at 10:29 AM #

    Thank you very much. I do have sonewhat of a heart.

  21. Susannah Bianchi May 3, 2012 at 11:35 AM #

    That had to be so hard to write yet freeing as all hell. It was so vivid I felt like a bystander watching the whole sad affair. I’m sorry you lost your friend. You penned it beautifully.

  22. applejaxe May 3, 2012 at 12:11 PM #

    Thank you so much for finding lollipopsandrazorblades and following. Nobody in my personal life knows about the blog. It means a lot to me that someone is reading . The blog and writings are very special to me. With that said what a beautifully written peice . . . I am so deeply sorry for your loss and suffering. Fucking stripping, leaves us all wounded one way or another. I’m following. Be well.

    Warmly,
    ApplejAxe

  23. sosassyandsingle May 3, 2012 at 6:24 PM #

    who thought a blog could make me cry? So raw ty for the share

  24. The Hook May 3, 2012 at 7:47 PM #

    Beautifully raw, honest, heartfelt post. Thank you.

  25. VeronicaThePajamaThief May 6, 2012 at 10:25 PM #

    I thought I was all done with my crying for the day… oh well, you did warn at the beginning.

    This is haunting and beautiful and tragic… I can well imagine what strength it took for you to write these words. I can’t remember the last time I read something as raw and honest as this… my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss, sweetie.

    Veronica Marie

  26. freewriter777 May 7, 2012 at 2:11 AM #

    Wow. Sorry for your loss. Powerful writing.

  27. Jim Maher May 7, 2012 at 9:22 AM #

    A very brave and vulnerable piece. Well-written and honest. Thank you. Sounds like he was one of a kind.

  28. Moonbeam McQueen May 8, 2012 at 1:09 PM #

    I’m so glad you’re following my blog. It led me here, and now I’m following yours. This was moving beyond belief. I’m not sure how long ago it happened, but it’s obvious that the pain and emotion are still strong. I’m truly sorry that you lost this man and glad you aren’t stripping anymore. How lucky for us that you express yourself so well– this post was a gift.

  29. makingredwishes May 8, 2012 at 7:25 PM #

    You will see him again. This time that seems to take forever is only temporary. Hugs. I can’t imagine how hard that was.

  30. Kiana Lee May 8, 2012 at 7:37 PM #

    Remember the happiness that you experienced together–that will always, always outlive any darkness and evil in the world. My heart goes out to you

  31. François May 9, 2012 at 10:55 AM #

    I had no idea what I was getting into before reading this, but honestly this is an, no-holds-barred, honest, devastating emotional piece. Whatever you do, don’t stop writing!

  32. Fatima May 9, 2012 at 5:14 PM #

    Thank you for liking my post. I wandered over to see your blog and read this entry. It took a lot of courage to talk about that moment. Despite what people say, the death of a loved one will never be ‘over’. It remains a sign post in one’s life, always there, and never fading into the background.
    You loved once and you can love again. Keep your head above the BS and keep going.
    Good luck.

  33. jenn May 9, 2012 at 5:53 PM #

    Thank you for sharing this. It couldn’t have been easy. And yes, I am crying.

  34. Liz Alexander May 9, 2012 at 8:23 PM #

    😦

    *many many hugs*

  35. Hyacinth May 9, 2012 at 9:46 PM #

    Jesus Christ. Totally crying…

  36. Bridgit May 9, 2012 at 10:32 PM #

    Precious one, thank you for your transparency and honest, raw emotions. You wrote early in the post, “Mrs. Long, your son is dead because of me.” My prayer is that you have worked through those feelings and realize while he was protecting you,he is gone because because of the man who made the chose to pull the trigger.
    I haven’t read enough of this blog to know any more about you than what is written in this post. I hope at this time, you have found a peace that passes all understanding and are able to treasure the special memories you have of him.
    Keep writing, dear one. You have a gift which can be used to help many other women.
    God’s richest blessing. Thank you again for being brave enough to share from deep within your heart and soul
    ~b

  37. onlychildprincesses May 9, 2012 at 11:19 PM #

    I have been sitting here… writing a couple sentences in this comment box, only to delete them all… over, and over, and over again. I know I want to leave a comment. What exactly I wish to say… I can’t quite pinpoint.

    So many emotions ran through me reading this entry. Stay strong.

    I can’t seem to be able to find the right words…

  38. shelovesher May 10, 2012 at 11:13 AM #

    Your souls are forever married in spirit. Thank you for sharing..

  39. KC May 10, 2012 at 12:27 PM #

    You saw my body everyday, with all the other men,
    but only you saw past my breasts, to love the heart within.
    You were my friend, my brother-self, the other half of me,
    and in your eyes I never saw the more that you could see.
    I fussed at you for dirty plates, and shoes left on the floor,
    I never knew when you saw me, you wanted something more.
    But now I know your secret heart, I’ve read your careful plans,
    but it’s too late for wedding vows and bumpers tied with cans.
    Still, in my mind, I see your face, and hear you ask me sweetly,
    and how I’d smile, and answer yes, and give myself completely.
    On my lips I feel your kiss, and feel your arms around me,
    and in my heart I know you know, and feel your love surround me.
    And in the peace of your embrace, I know that you are near,
    and that your love will always be, and that I needn’t fear.
    Should I someday find a man, someone for me to love,
    I’ll know that you’ll be glad for me, and watching from above.

    (if this is inappropriate or hurtful feel free to delete it, but when a poem wants someone I have to give it to them, and this one came for you.)

    KC

  40. datingbitch May 10, 2012 at 4:38 PM #

    Thanks, you’ve said enough 🙂

  41. deanjbaker May 12, 2012 at 2:59 PM #

    🙂

  42. snarkatussin May 12, 2012 at 5:03 PM #

    Wow. You are so incredibly strong for being able to tell that story. I cannot even imagine the courage it would take to recover from such a tragedy. Thank you for sharing.

  43. butimbeautiful May 17, 2012 at 10:22 PM #

    That must have been heartbreaking!

  44. thekinkyworldofvile May 18, 2012 at 10:11 AM #

    Wow very intense I am truly sorry. Thank you for sharing…
    Much Love

  45. sexloveandhouston May 18, 2012 at 11:41 AM #

    This made me cry.. I’m so sorry for your loss girl. I know how hard it is to lose someone unexpectedly who you truly care about and are really close to.

    I love your blog.. I’m glad that I’m following you and know that I am always here if you need someone to talk too.. xoxo.

    -Ashton

  46. driverrob May 18, 2012 at 1:42 PM #

    It must have been so hard to write that yet, I bet, once you started it just flowed from the heart.

  47. ladystamper May 19, 2012 at 12:26 PM #

    I hope it brings a sense of peace to you after having written this. The love of my life died three years ago. I can feel a bit of your pain. Sorry…but you did make me cry.

  48. datingbitch May 19, 2012 at 5:33 PM #

    Thank you for your kind words. I’m sorry for your loss. There’s nothing really to say, as you already know. It hurts doesn’t it? If you ever need someone to talk to email me, I am here for you!

  49. SeanMP May 19, 2012 at 11:25 PM #

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It took a lot of courage (and I’m sure at least an equal amount of pain and tears). It’s not easy to open up like that. One day I hope that I am half as brave as you are now.

  50. bestbostonstrippers May 24, 2012 at 10:41 AM #

    Great blog love it. If you ever want out of retirement give me a ring

  51. eatandgetmoving June 3, 2012 at 4:50 PM #

    Oh my fucking God! I SO feel your hurt!!! I’ve lost my dad when I was 20 years old to suicide, which came out of nowhere! I had no idea what was going on and why he jumped of that building. That life-changing moment when the police stood in frond of my door to give me the horrible news I will NEVER forget! Those feelings when you go home and you can still smell the person, you still know what he should have done if all would have gone differently.. The what if I got home before he went to that building or like your what if I never went to work that day. IT IS HORRIBLE!!! My God bless your heart! I don’t know why these horrible things happen but I know it does make us stronger and it can become a huge life-lesson which we can use constructively. I myself believe we’ll see our loved-ones again. So I bet he’s still watching over you each and every day and one day you’ll be with him again.

    Sorry for this emotional comment but this hit home for me. Much love, Leanne

  52. John the Aussie June 5, 2012 at 2:59 AM #

    I’m sorry if this bothers you, but did you send a copy of this to Tyler’s mother?

  53. ryzavargas June 14, 2012 at 11:47 PM #

    This is brilliant. Thank you for sharing this. Much love.

  54. CJ June 15, 2012 at 9:46 AM #

    This is so powerful and moving. Thank you for sharing. I cannot imagine being able to write something so personal, so well. Thank you again.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Another award? You love me! You really love me! « Stuph Blog - May 24, 2012

    […] her for the Versatile Blogger Award.  The very first post of hers that I read was entitled My Last Day as a Stripper.  It’s a very moving and emotionally distressing piece and I’m not ashamed to admit […]

  2. Sunshine Blogger Award « frankoshanko - May 25, 2012

    […] be it.  It can be just as precious to me!  Thanks Prissy!  My favorite posts by Prissy are about her last day in one occupation, it’s followup sequel, a New York taxicab tale, today’s feature  on love and about […]

  3. My Last Day As a Stripper « The Compulsive Explainer - May 27, 2012

    […] Onlinedatingjournal […]

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