Can you top this story?

12 Jun

When I lived in Florida the best part of my day was when I left for work, and HATED pulling into my driveway every evening as I entered back into the gates of HELL!!! My live-in boyfriend at the time DISGUSTED me and I don’t throw that word around lightly.

He didn’t work, couldn’t because he had just been released from prison, a small detail he lacked to tell me when we met. He was a slob, thief, lazy, lazy and lazy as he played video games all day while I was worked to put food on the table.

So how did he manipulate me into believing he was everything I desired but was really the EXACT OPPOSITE? It was a combination of my own stupidity and a powerful emotion we call “Love at First Sight.”

I was 1200 miles away from family and friends in Texas and I felt trapped!!! If I did leave he would have no means to survive, not to mention all my furniture was in Florida. I very well could not pack all my shit and furniture into a Uhaul and disappear before he woke up. Nor would I feel comfortable driving that far of a distance in what I would consider to be an 18 wheeler. One day I was about to say FUCK IT when he helped make my escape a WHOLE lot easier.

I came home from work one day to our dog jumping, happy to see me and a boyfriend who was high as a kite playing video games in the recliner.

“How was your day honey,” he said in passing still focused on his video game.

It was great until I got here I thought, but didn’t say.

My usual routine was to make dinner (yeah he was too lazy to do that too), take a shower and go to sleep until the most beautiful noise sounded which was my alarm clock, so I could yet again exit the gates of hell.

Except this particular evening things played out a little differently…..

“Come here,” he said as he put his controller down, moved to the couch and patted the cushion next to him.

Ehhhhh… I have to I thought?

I did as he wished but approached him in a less enthusiastic motion.

Then he attempted what I was afraid he would do……a kiss.

Ehhhhh…..and of course I played along.

He abruptly stopped the kiss and asked why I wasn’t into him anymore.

Ehhhhh……do you really have to ask I thought.

Then he said……

“I want to make love to you.”

Ehhhhh…..I knew this day was coming soon. It had been two months since we were intimate and I cherished every moment his dick was NOT inside of me.





He begged.

“Fine,” I said just to shut him the fuck up!! Except I was not going to fuck him, I would give him a blowjob instead because he came much quicker this way.

I swallow the chunks now arriving in my throat as I stick this disgusting person’s cock in my mouth.

I didn’t suck slow at first as I usually did, instead my mouth had become the energizer bunny to make sure this dick came as quickly as possible.


“Wait, wait,” he said.

WTF I thought? Now I have to get back in my “sucking a disgusting dick mode” all over again.

“I’ll be right back.”

I watched him jog to the bedroom then quickly reappear.

He kneels down in between the couch and coffee table, takes my hand into his, slides a gold band with a diamond around my finger and says:

“As you were giving me a blowjob I noticed something was missing on this finger. Will you marry me?”

I dashed to the bathroom.

Needless to say I didn’t finish the blowjob, I never wore the ring and I left him two days later.

He still wonders why I left him.

11 Responses to “Can you top this story?”

  1. What I Desired To Say June 12, 2012 at 9:09 AM #

    Men like that will never learn. He should have sized it for his dick and had it waiting for when you got home. 😉

    dodged a bullet there didn’t you?

  2. paulaacton June 12, 2012 at 9:27 AM #

    I would hate to even think where the ring came from

  3. datingbitch June 12, 2012 at 9:41 AM #

    His mother lol.

  4. Nifti June 12, 2012 at 11:24 AM #

    LOL. No way!

  5. datingbitch June 12, 2012 at 11:33 AM #

    Oh yes…unfortunately!!

  6. Karmic Diva June 12, 2012 at 11:43 AM #

    Can you imagine a lifetime with that grunt?

  7. Student Hearts June 12, 2012 at 3:18 PM #

    Hope you kept the ring as compensation!

  8. bossymoksie June 12, 2012 at 9:21 PM #

    I don’t know whether I should give you props for BJ-ing a proposal out of him, or be glad you avoided a dude who’s idea of a romantic proposal was to beg his girl to have sex with him???!!!! What a loser!

  9. Carolina Courtland June 13, 2012 at 3:44 PM #

    I was reading this wondering how we managed to date the same man.

    After I got rid of mine, and he moved back to his parent’s house, he calls and says, “Let’s get hitched.”

    I said, “You’re such a loser you can’t even propose to a woman properly.”

  10. datingbitch June 13, 2012 at 3:46 PM #

    Wow, I think we’re even LOL

  11. The Hook August 2, 2013 at 6:16 PM #

    “Fine,” I said just to shut him the fuck up!! Except I was not going to fuck him, I would give him a blowjob instead because he came much quicker this way.
    Wrong, I know, but hilarious!

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