I Have Become The Woman I Said I Would NEVER Be!!

30 Mar

depressed
I promised myself I would never be “that” woman.

And today I am her.

Yesterday was a bad day. I was in a car accident, thankfully nobody was hurt. I guess my nerves got the best of me. I should have been paying attention to the road but instead I was thinking about the “other” women. The woman I found out about a month ago came to mind, followed by woman #2 and woman #3 who I discovered in the past three days.
When I returned home I was already distraught. My boyfriend was packing for a mini trip he told me about the night before, but little did he know what I knew.

“Do you want me to take you to the airport,” I asked?
“No, meeting my mother for lunch,” he replied.
“Want me to get you my carryon bag,” I said as he was picking out clothes from the closet?
“Yes, that would be great,” he responded.
I went to the laundry room, grabbed my carryon bag and handed it to him.
“Thanks sweetie,” he said as he was folding his clothes about to put it in the suitcase.

I started to walk away when I stopped. It disgusted me that he was wearing the button down shirt I hated the most. The shirt I had ironed the day he cheated on me with woman #1. I sighed in exhaustion, turned around and said:
“Oh baby, when you get to Washington D.C. tell Susan that’s my suitcase.”

I walked out the door with the shocked look on his face still in mind.

Then four hours later my nerves got the best of me yet again. This time I was walking and paid no attention to the car coming at towards me. Sorry but I couldn’t help but think he was with “her” at that moment. That’s when I was hit by the car, but thankfully not seriously injured.

You see, I’m not ENTIRELY stupid.
Friends and family told me to leave him after the first woman, but I didn’t. Instead I gave him a second chance. It was hard and more problems evolved. Then when I found out about women 2 and 3 I started to plan my escape.
It wasn’t until yesterday morning when I woke up, wide awake when I had a brilliant idea.

My boyfriend was still asleep when I grabbed his phone from the night table. Despite everything, I NEVER went through his phone. Shortly after I became lightheaded and dizzy.
I shouldn’t of been shocked but I was. There were even MORE women, not including the woman he had been talking to from the internet and was flying to meet yesterday for the first time. I couldn’t help but ask myself:

“How many more women are there?”

I am hurt, shaking, confused, disgusted and angry. BUT I still have my pride and dignity. That’s two things he didn’t take away from me.

Now going forward, when “that” woman enters my life, the woman I ridiculed for staying with the cheater, the woman I gave a dumbfounded look at when she said she wasn’t leaving the cheater, I will now smile, take her hand into mine and love her. That’s when I will tell my story and make a new friend.

10 Responses to “I Have Become The Woman I Said I Would NEVER Be!!”

  1. rougedmount March 30, 2013 at 9:16 AM #

    i am very glad you are okay physically but please think about what the opportunity means, having him out of the house for this mini trip, this week end he went away to stay with another woman; pack his bags and call his friends or family to come get them, change the lock. if you want to stay with him, then try and rebuild the relationship, once he is not in your space. please take care of yourself…mentally AND physically.

  2. datingbitch March 30, 2013 at 9:24 AM #

    Thank you for the kind words. 🙂
    It is his place. I moved in after Thanksgiving. Trust me, I’ve done all of the above except the locks but I thought about it last night. I don’t want to speak any more harsh words to him and about him to our friends and family. I am the better person and moving in few days when my leg heals. Instead of telling him Fuck you, I now say, “I wish you the best.”

  3. Valentine Logar March 30, 2013 at 9:41 AM #

    Now, when you look in the mirror hopefully you will see just another frail and human woman. Many of us have been right where you are. Many of us have to make choices.

    He is an azzhat. He is not every man. He is not even most men. Remember that.

    Don’t self-destruct. Don’t blame yourself. Start taking care of yourself.

  4. fastingamy March 30, 2013 at 11:00 AM #

    A real man, a man that loves his wife won’t ever cheat, he’ll sit with her and tell her: ”I love you but there’s a problem” and try to solve it. I think you’re incredibly incredibly strong.

    I think once you break a vase, even if you stick all the pieces together, the vase will still be broken. What stops you from leaving him? Do you feel like spending your life questioning his come and goes, what he is doing and with who? Think about all the things you can do if you start over with your life, the people you can meet, trips and places you can visit and everything life has in her pocket for you.

    Don’t waste energy on people that aren’t worth it and not good enough for you, and a man that cheats is not good enough, I say Next.

    In any case, I wish you with all my heart the best of luck, I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling right now.

  5. datingbitch March 30, 2013 at 11:02 AM #

    Thank you sweetie 🙂

  6. activewellnessdirect March 30, 2013 at 11:32 AM #

    Hope you are ok. The fact that you have been able to go forward, eventhough the pain might still be there. I think it’s very strong of you to try and move on, and now with the accident pain hopefully this can help you recover from the ‘love’ pain and eventually both pains will dissappear. Keep strong!

  7. datingbitch March 30, 2013 at 11:47 AM #

    No I don’t work for Dallas news but I was a reporter for surrounding cities. If you need help with anything let me know. Thanks for praying for me and I will do the same!! 🙂

  8. rougedmount March 30, 2013 at 12:45 PM #

    i am so incredibly proud of your struggle to stay on the high road…i know it comes at a price…but you will be a better woman because of it.

  9. prayingforoneday March 31, 2013 at 8:54 PM #

    Please accept this award nomination, and why I awarded it to you in my blog here
    http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/01/very-inspiring-blogger-award-6/
    Follow the rules and give back to 15 others and do what I did in my award.
    Please accept this award.
    Shaun, well done

    ps: Keep on, Keeping on x

  10. narcinthemaze August 4, 2013 at 7:53 PM #

    Thanks again for checking out my page; best of luck in the dating maelstrom.

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