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This man needs a CUSTOM-MADE glove for his DICK…..latex is NOT enough protection!!!

10 May

I have learned through trial and error during my dating adventure to think outside the box when asking the “getting to know you” questions.

For example, I ask every guy:

1. Are you bi-sexual and or have bi-sexual tendencies?

2. Have you been to prison?

3. Would it turn you on to drink my piss?

4. Do you desire to wear my panties?

Most men laugh and think it’s humorous that I ask such “ridiculous” questions as they call it but if only they knew the shit I have been asked, witnessed and propositioned.

I have now added the following question:

 

What’s your sex number?

A good guy friend of mine recently gave me some VERY wise advice. He said:

“Every man you date and definitely before you sleep with them, ask how many women they have slept with.”

 

What’s the pont, I though? Men are going to lie about it anyways. Yes, I know to multiply the number a guy gives me by 9 which will reveal the ACCURATE number of they’re sexual partners but shit, that’s too much math I care to calculate.

Before I continue I will go ahead and tell you my number. A year go it was 5, when I turned 30 and adopted the sex drive of a 17-year-old boy, my number is now 5+35.

 

Go ahead all onlinedatingjournal haters whom are all women, voice your opinion in the “comments” section of this post that I’m a “whore” OR how “Disgusting” I am. (I do strongly suggest you wait until you read this ENTIRE post before making your judgemental comment.) Bitch, your “whoring” days are just around the corner because most of us are grateful to experience the “sex phase.” Guys you know what I’m talking about. Wink. Wink.

Back in the day when my sex list consisted of one name, it was VERY important to me and asked every guy:

“How many women have you slept with?” I got the following answers:

Guy 1. Nine 9X10=90

Guy 2. Fourteen 9X14=126

Guy 3. Forty 9X40=360

Guy 4. Hundred 9X100=900

 

(I did not continue to date Guy 4 because his number was WAY too high without the calculation.)

 

I recently met a guy from POF for a few drinks and dinner after three hours of texting back and forth. He wasn’t the greatest looking guy that has escorted me but definitely was not ducking and dodging to uphold my image. Aside from already being a very blunt person, he too wasn’t afraid to honestly speak his opinion.  He was also very easy to talk to which is why I didn’t hesitate about asking him questions 1-4 as stated above. (Note: When asking these questions I always observe body language, hesitation, stumbling words, or if he looks away when answering the question.)

“Fuck No,” he proclaimed to all of the above. My observation when asking these questions did not give me a reason to think otherwise.

Then I asked the question my friend recommended I ask:

“How many women have you slept with?

Silence…….

I obviously struck a nerve I thought. I sensed hesitation when he took a deep breath, appeared to be uncomfortable when he looked around thinking of what to say and his body language became very jittery.

He takes a deep breath, takes a few gulps of his beer, leans back in the booth, looks me dead in the eye and says:

“I’m not going to tell you just yet.”

“Why,” I asked?

He is now starting to get a little fidgety and is becoming irritated that I’m being so persistent that he answer the question.

“Can’t you get to know me first before asking me that question,” he pleaded.

I told him it was a fair and appropriate question to ask and reminded him we all go through the “whoring” phase.

He takes another deep breath and chugs the half filled glass of beer until it’s empty and points to the glass for the waiter to see he needs a refill. He leans forward in the booth and says:

“When I was in the military, the pay was horrible making only $1200 a month.”

Okay I thought

“For extra money I started working in porn.”

Okay…..this is getting slightly interesting and or scary, not sure which just yet. I had never met a man who was in porn or one who openly admitted it.

“It was excellent money. They paid 2k a session and you could have four or five sessions in one day,” he said.

Okay……keep going I thought giving him the look………..

“In Korea alone I probably slept with about 4,000 women”

Okay, I was thinking around the ball park number of two-five hundred but……

4,000 women in Korea ALONE?????

HOLY SHIT!!!!

Hell I’m an armature if not almost a virgin when I put my 40 next to his 4000!

Okay, so let’s do the math:

4000 X 9= 36,000

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? I’M SURPRISED HIS DICK HASN’T FELL OFF!!!!

I didn’t bother to ask his TOTAL number, preferred not to know!!

I may be a little” horny whore” these days and hesitant to reach the three digits but NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER will the number of my sexual partners get to the four digits!!!

Someone needs to invent a HEAVY DUTY std glove to put over this man’s dick because latex is NOT enough protection!!!

I wanted to tell him if he ever wants to get laid don’t reveal this number to ANYONE, on the other hand, WOMEN NEED TO KNOW AND BE WARNED!!!

I want to thank my guy friend for suggesting to ask the question that turned out to save my life. I also want to thank this man for giving me an HONEST answer.

I was polite throughout the rest of the date, afterall I owed this man my life for his honesty!! After dinner he walked me to my car and asks:

“Can I see you again?”

I gave him the “Are you fucking serious” look. He got the hint and then asks:

“Do you have any hot, single girlfriends you could hook me up with?”

All you onlinedatingjournal haters, NOW you can tell me I’m how I’m a DISGUSTING WHORE!!

I want to file a restraining order against one of your police officers, I told the Chief of Police. HELP….HE’S STALKING ME!!!

4 May

I first want to say, I am not an arrogant woman, nor do I think my pussy is made of gold, but apparently some men do.

When I walked into the office of the Chief of Police with my boss as my witness, I feared the police officer I had met from n online dating website would soon rape, kill and butcher me, leaving my remains undiscovered and me forever being a “Missing Person” rather than a murder victim.

The Chief of Police asked why I wanted to file a restraining order against one of his “noble” and “well-respected” officers among the small community in which we both worked.

I gave the following statement with a detailed log of events, texts, missed calls, voicemails and pictures, which clearly explained why this “noble” and “well-respected” DEMON is mentally incapable of wearing a badge and carrying a gun.

I met the angelic 31-year old police officer at a bar/restaurant one evening after work. Like me, he has never been married, no kids, and we had both recently moved to Dallas from Orlando.

I walked into the restaurant, spotted the man at the bar wearing a black shirt, jeans and sitting next to two ladies as he accurately described. When I tapped him on the shoulder, he swung his bar stool in my direction and I was pleasantly surprised that the military demeanor his pictures portrayed really did him no justice.  He was smoking HOT!!! Now my only obstacle was keeping my hands to myself and not leading him to the bathroom so he could fuck the shit out of me. He welcomed me with a hug and smile.

“You are absolutely beautiful,” he said pushing my bar stool closer to him.

I blushed. (I could foresee it will be a fun and pleasurable night.)

I ordered my first mixed drink when he confessed he was on his 6th Red Bull and Vodka. Sixth, I thought? Wow!!!

For the next ten minutes the following was our dialogue:

9:04PM Him: You are beautiful.

9:04PM ME: Thank you, I said blushing

9:05PM Him: Wow, hmmm….hmmmmm….hmmmm, you are a pearl, he said looking me up and down and undressing me with him eyes

9:06PM ME: Thank you I said yet again still slightly blushing

Between 9:07PM-9:15PM I counted 16 times he said “You are beautiful,” which averaged every 30 seconds.

The fifth time was enough, the eighth was annoying, the 12th I needed another drink and the 16th time he told me”I was beautiful” he quickly moved from my HOT radar to DESPERATE. Is he drunk? I couldn’t tell. He appeared to be functioning normally, no slurring words, eyes not red, good posture. Either he is exaggerating about his alcohol intake or he has a high tolerance.

Now he wanted to do shots. He was already on his 7th red bull and vodka and I didn’t think that was such a wise decision given his career. I politely declined and explained how I already had two very stiff mixed drinks and have a 35 minute drive home in severe thunderstorms that could result in tornados according to the weather. Surely being a cop he would understand, but nope.

“Come on, please, have fun,” he begged.

After ten minutes of listening to his pathetic plea for me to do a fucking shot I surrendered to shut the asshole up.

“Here’s to us,” he saluted as he downed his shot of tequila AND half of my shot that I did finish.

He wanted to continue taking shots but this time I didn’t surrender.

“NO, I have to drive home,” I said.

I quickly learned the word, “no” was not in Officer Smith’s vocabulary. He was quick to come up with a solution to get me drunk, have meaningless sex, which he wouldn’t have to do if he only acted SANE!

The following was his brilliant plan:

“You only have fun once right? So how about we do this; don’t worry about your alcohol intake, drink, have fun and I will drive your car back to your house and take a cab back to me car”.

Okay, back up. Let’s think this through

  1. The way you want me to drink, I will still be drunk when I go to work in the morning.
  2. You think I am going to let YOU drive my car now that you’ve had 12 vodka and red bulls and 1 ½ shots of tequila?
  3. I live 35-40 away which would easily calculate to $100 cab ride EACH WAY.
  4. And you think I am that stupid to not realize your hidden agenda of getting me drunk and fucking me when I’m half conscious???

He continued to explain his logic was reasonable, but I had a different theory.

A. He was already stupid drunk

B. Highly desperate to get laid

Or

C. Just a stupid fucking idiot.

I ignore he silly logic, pick up the menu which was staring at me for the last hour now. I was starving. I started browsing the menu when he said, “What are you doing?”

ME: I’m going to order some dinner. Are you not hungry?

HIM: We already ordered he said with a confused look on his face.

Okay, now I’m confused and a little worried.

He picks up my glass of vodka and cranberry and says, “Your cut off, you’ve had a little too much to drink.” He said laughing.

This guy is delusional. It was my first time at the restaurant, hadn’t picked up the menu until now so how could I have already placed my order, I thought?

After ten minutes of arguing about how we hadn’t ordered food, I waved the bartender over.

ME: Did we order food

BARTENDER: Not with me you didn’t

HIM: Yes we did

BARTENDER: Ummmm…..I’m the only bartender, did you place an order with a waitress?

Silence……he scooted my drink he had confiscated back to me. He changed the subject and we never ordered food.

For the next 35 minutes he talked and talked and talked. I never got a word in. For example, he talked, asked me a question, continued to talk, asked me another question and talked some more.

Finally there was a pause and I began to answer the first question he asked 35 minutes ago.

ME:I think…..

Him: EXCUSE me I was talking, please don’t interrupt me, it’s very rude.

He said this in a very loud and stern tone that the people sitting beside us at the bar stopped and turned our direction.

Whoa, this date is over I thought.

He excused himself to go to the little boy’s room. I had already started gathering my purse and keys ready to sneak out. The man sitting beside me at the bar asked if he wanted me to walk to me to my car referring to abandoning this psychotic drunk ass.

“No, I’m going to make a run for it,” I told him. It was too late. I spotted the demon walking back to the bar. When he returned I told the officer I was tired, slightly buzzed and needed to go home.  He said he would walk ne to my car. When we got outside I hugged and thanked him. But no he wanted to escort me to my car and I said no. We stood in the pouring rain and argued about this stupid conversation, meanwhile the guy sitting at the bar next to me was watching us from the glass door of the restaurant. Finally officer Smith gave up went back inside and I got in my car and drove off

“Is that all,” the police chief asked in a very condescending one?

NO ASSHOLE THAT’S NOT ALL!!! (I wanted to say but obviously didn’t.)

Now I whip out my phone and SHOW him the proof.

Day 1 After the Date

I get the following text:

Him: I’m sorry about last night I was a little drunk

ME: It’s okay. It was nice to meet you good luck J

HIM: So you’re not going to give me another chance

ME: No, sorry, you’re really not my type. (At least I didn’t give him a bullshit excuse.)

The remainder of the day he sent me the following text messages:

“You fucking bitch” (14)

“I’m sorry” (8)

Missed calls (9)

And three voicemails that said “Call me now.”

Day 2 After the Date

I woke up to the following text message:

“Good morning my luv, call me when you can”

My response was:

“I thought I made it clear to you yesterday I am not interested. Please don’t call or text me again. Thanks”

For the remainder of the day I received the following:

“Bitch you don’t want to fuck with me” (13)

“Talk to me” (24)

Missed calls (14)

“Hello anyone home” (30)

“?” (154)

I am now getting worried…..

Day 3 After the Date

At 12:00PM I get the following text message:

“I’m going to grab some lunch, care to join me?”

I don’t reply

Then the next two hours and yes it may be just a coincidence but my work phone received over 50 hang up calls.

At 1:30 when I returned to my office from lunch my supervisor said I had a cute police officer with flowers waiting for me in my office.

Of course it was him. I thanked him for the flowers, told him I would talk to him as I walked him out of my office and to his car. My main priority was getting him out of my office, away from my nosy coworkers incase it got ugly.

I rehashed what I already told him, he called me a bitch a few times, sped out of the parking lot in his patrol car and I closed my supervisors office door and began to explain why he is never allowed back in this office building and the numerous hang ups we had received that she had commented about the day before..

Day 4 after the first date

Nothing. FINALLY, he got the hint I thought.

Day 5 after the first date

12:30: He walked into the restaurant my boss and I was having lunch and sat by himself at a booth adjacent from us.

For the remainder of the day his patrol car was spotted driving around the parking lot of my office building and with the help of coworkers pictures were taken. (This was not the beat he patrolled)

630PM: He was behind me while I stood in line at the grocery store. (I asked a nice and huge African American man who was walking out in front of me if he would walk me to my car, he did….thank you.)

Day 6 after the first date

No calls, no texts and no voicemails.

4:00PM: I walk outside my office building to smoke a cigarette. I felt someone grab my arm behind me. I turn around and it was him. “Please talk to me,” he said crying.

“No,” I said jerking my arm away.

My supervisor had just pulled into the parking lot from a brief work errand. She runs over to me and tells him to leave or she will call the police. He leaves.

Now 20 minutes later I am sitting in the office of the Police Chief telling him the exact events as they happened with pictures, text messages, voicemails and a witness as evidence as to why this psychotic government official is not mentally capable of wearing a badge and carrying a gun.

The police chief leans back in his chair and says, “I am sorry, he will be reprimanded.”

“Reprimanded? How so,” I asked?

The police chief now leans forward and says, “He will be given a very stern verbal warning.”

VERBAL WARNING??? Are you fucking kidding me????

So you’re telling me I cannot utilize my first college degree as a forensic scientist because I made a horrible mistake 11 years ago when I drove drunk and got a DWI, but you will continue to allow this mentally and psychotic man wear a badge and carry a gun who is suppose to make sure the law is followed and serve as a role model to society???

THAT’S FUCKED UP!!!

Officer Smith did however teach me one valuable lesson in the event I get pulled over for speeding.

If I get pulled over and an officer asks why I was speeding I say;

“Because one of your friends fucked my brains and pussy dry last night and I’m in desperate need to get to the chiropractor.”

This excuse has worked twice so far.

Thanks Officer Smith!!

My Last Day as a Stripper……

2 May

 

(WARNING: I am about to share a true story that forever changed my life 10 years ago on May 1, 2002. Please bear with me because this was hard to write. I hope I don’t make you cry)

 

I try to call your mother but there is no privacy. I walk to the front of the strip club and police are roping off the crime scene with yellow and black tape. I go round to the back of the building and police are everywhere searching for evidence. I walk back inside and your friends and co-workers are crying and being interviewed by law enforcement. I head for the dressing room, the same trail you and I walked hundreds of times beside one another. I enter and lock the bathroom stall behind me as I clutch onto my phone, not prepared to make the call to your mother, after all you are only 20 years old.

 

I dial, the phone rings, and your mother answers with the ’you woke me up’ tone.
I say nothing, I only cry.
Her: Priscilla is that you?

 

I’m choking on my tears.
Her: What’s wrong? What happened?              

 

Me: Ty… (Crying)….ler….h… (Crying)…e’s…de…. (Crying)….ad
Her: What? Oh my God, what happened?
I could hear her wake up your father who was lying in bed beside her to break the bad news.
Me: Mrs. Long, your son is dead because of me. I’m so sorry, I said still weeping uncontrollably.

 

It was an ordinary day at the apartment. We were both scheduled to work, you as the dance manager and I as another unreliable ‘stripper’ who hated her job. Remember you often had to drag my lazy ass to work? I made many excuses to avoid taking my clothes off for another disgusting stiff dick who would go home and jack off thinking about the naughty lap dance I had given him.

 

This particular day my excuse consisted of studying for my final exams and having spent the night hugging my pillow while I watched old sappy love movies, which you hated.
You slapped my feet as they rested comfortably on the coffee table and said “Get your ass up, you’re going to work with me.” We debated on the subject for an hour. Aside from trying to convince me the money would be good because it was a Saturday night, and I needed to make my car payment, that I obviously didn’t have, your real reasoning for dragging me to work that day was because you liked working with me. I was your partner in crime, your best friend, roommate, co-worker and college classmate. Sometimes you gave up during our debate on this subject but most of the time you won.

 

My complaining about working that day continued during the two-mile drive to work. You firmly clinched my leg and with a smile you said, “It will be fun, trust me.” You pulled your car in the parking lot, where the pink flashing billboard sign of a naked woman stood, gave your keys as usual to Rob, the valet guy who was your second best friend and together we walked up the steps leading to the double doors we both dreaded entering and referred to as hell.

 

Once in the dressing room you immediately interrupted a cat fight with two of the “day time” dancers. I joined my fellow strippers on the bench, staring at myself in the mirror wandering why I let you talk me into coming to work when I could be at home watching Seinfeld. You checked the dance list and called to recruit more dancers, I continued to drag ass to get ready only wondering which Seinfeld episode I was missing.
“You better hurry up, you’re on main stage next,” you said slightly yanking my ponytail flirtingly.
“Yeah, I heard the DJ,” I replied.
You chuckled, sat next to me and said, “Do I need ask the DJ to cover for you again?”

 

You are referring to the fact my makeup is not yet fully applied, my hair not curled and my dress and 7 inch stripper shoes are still in the locker I have not yet opened.
“I told you before we left the apartment I didn’t want come,” I said applying the blush again to my already rosy cheeks.

 

There were a few seconds of silence, you still sitting next to me facing the lockers and me still staring at my disgusting self in the mirror when you said, “I tell you what, if you’re on main stage within five seconds after Ruben (the DJ) calls your name I promise not to kick out any of your customers tonight.”

 

Now you have my attention….

 

You had been suspended twice, hospitalized once, suffered a fractured rib and put many of my male customers in the hospital for touching me inappropriately, not to mention interrupting my cash flow. Any other stripper it was three strikes and you were out but me, my customers were thrown own without a fair warning.

 

“So what do you say,” you asked?

 

“Deal.” I said, and we shook on it. (Remember this ASSHOLE????)

 

“Then get your ass on stage,” you said this time flirtingly slapping my ass.

 

You stood ten feet back from main stage smiling and giving me the thumbs up sign when I entered main stage with a second to spare. The night went smoothly, you did not fuck with my customers as you promised, and thanks to our hand shake I was making money. At 1AM our eyes met. We were both proud of one another. I was on time when I entered the main stage and you hadn’t yet grabbed one of my customer’s balls and kicked them out as you usually did.  I did spot you several times lurking during a few of my lap dances, but you kept your cool and were true to your promise. And your reward for such good behaviour was when I blew you a kiss and you caught it smiling.

Then fifty-two minutes before closing time I approached the table I now regret. I sat in the lap of one of the four Hispanic men who could barely speak English and who gave me a $20 tip on main stage.  It was easy and fast money considering there was a language barrier. I gave the man in the white shirt at the table $320 worth of lap dances, who was drunk and incredibly horny, which explained his inappropriate, touchy behaviour.

 

I spotted you several times while dancing for him and watched you shift your weight from one foot to the other, trying to hold your end of the deal and reframe from kicking the asshole out of the club. I gave you the, “I got this, I’m a big girl” glance and you hesitantly backed away.  I gave him five dances and took a break, five more and another break. Then mid way in twelfth dance the man leaned forward and bit my nipple. Remember? There was no time to respond, you had already grabbed my shoulders, pushed me back, twisted the man’s shirt and literally carried him out of the club with the man’s shoes a good ten inches from the floor.

 

You lost and I won, I thought laughing to myself. You surrendered with only ten minutes until the party was over. I stood at fourth stage by the front door as I covered my breasts with one hand, and held my clothes in the other, standing only in my T-back awaiting for you to come back in to give you shit about losing our bet.

 

Then I heard the DJ announce bubble gum shots in the parking lot, code word for fight. Three managers run past me and out the front door almost knocking me over. The double doors to the entrance swing open and I briefly see your 6’6, 295 pound body lying on the brick concrete in front of the main entrance.

 

I run towards you.

 

I am now standing over your head as I watch a river of your blood stream down the front steps of the club. I kneel beside you still only wearing my T-back. Your white button down shirt revealed one bullet hole, then another, and another. There were too many gunshot wounds to count. I lay my body onto yours in hopes to stop the bleeding; I didn’t even notice our fellow co-workers wrapped a blanket around my bare body. I can now hear the sirens getting nearer. I perform CPR but you’re still not breathing.

 

 Then I look into your eyes and realized you are dead. Your energetic and enthusiastic spirit we all love was no longer glowing. I scream, I cry, I shake you to come back to me but no response. I feel someone or something pulling me away but I fight, I cling onto you with all my might hoping you will come back to me. But you don’t. You continued to lay there lifeless as I was covered in your blood.

 

After five hours of sobbing, watching paramedics cover you with a black blanket and being interviewed by the police, I get in your 76 Ford Mustang you named ‘Suzie’, your baby you would never let me drive, despite how many times I pleaded. The same car you drove us to work in that day and were supposed to drive us home in. An investigator was worried about me driving due to my devastation of your death and followed me back to ‘our’ but now ’my’ apartment.

 

My head is pounding from crying but I don’t care and with the little energy I had left I walked up the stairs to the second floor of our apartment, the same steps we walked down together 15 hours earlier. I hold your keys, the same key you locked our apartment with when we left, and the key you were suppose to use when we got home. Our front door swings open. I want to plop on the couch and you massage my feet like you do every night after we get home from work, but you’re not here. The shoes I asked you to take to your room before we left are still firmly planted on the living room floor. You said you would put them up when we got home but you can’t, you’re no longer here. I go throughout the apartment and turn over every picture of ‘us,’ I even threw our 1st place mud race trophy through the glass patio door. I enter your room and can still smell the cologne you sprayed on before we left. I collapse on your bed as I often did when you held me as I cried about a guy or failed a test.

 

For the next two days my tears soaked your pillow.

 

I am so FUCKING mad. I don’t know who to be angrier at, you or your killer!!! Why didn’t you fucking listen to me??? I didn’t want to go to work that day!! I’m a big girl, I can ward off evil and perverted men, and you don’t always have to protect me!!! If you hadn’t drug me to work that day and or stuck to our deal you would be laying beside me right now.

 

I HATE YOU!!! I cry harder.

 

“Yes, I do need to protect you. You’re my best friend,” you would say with a smile.

 

I didn’t go to your viewing. I didn’t think I could hold it together. I arrived 15 minutes late to your funeral. It was standing room only. I spotted your mother sitting at the first pew of the church and squeezed beside her. Tears rolling down both our cheeks, she took my hand into hers and we shared the, “I miss, and love him” look. That was the last thing I remember at your funeral. I blacked out. Our friends say I tried to jump in the coffin with you, shook you, begging for you to wake up, but I don’t remember any of that.

 

Apparently I didn’t snap back to reality until I was standing amongst your friends and family at the gravesite. You were being lowered into the ground, with thousands of red roses that had been gently laid on top of you by each and every one of us when we got the call….. The man who shot and murdered you was caught and now behind bars. But still justice has not yet been served.

 

May the man who killed you rot in hell and you rest in peace. In less than a year I will be sitting front row for the best movie I will ever watch. When the poison is injected into your murderer, and I watch his life being taken away as he took away yours. That is the day justice will be served and I will smile again.

 

After the funeral your mother gave me your daily journal that I never knew you had. She said she felt bad because she thought she was invading your privacy. She continued to say it would be in my best interest to read it that is when I was ready.

 

A year after you died I got a bottle of wine, poured a glass and opened your journal I had safely tucked away waiting for this moment. I read how much fun you had during our trip to Florida and how you planned my surprise birthday party. All your entries made me laugh, cry or both.

 

Then I read what you wrote two days before you died.

The day after you were murdered you had a special evening for the two of us. We were to have a romantic dinner at the restaurant, “The Craft” and stay in a penthouse suite at the Crescent Hotel in downtown Dallas.

 

I continue to read….I cry if not harder than the day you died.

 

I close your journal weeping about what I had just read. I couldn’t believe it. You were my best friend and nothing more….

 

My answer is yes, I will marry you! I only wish I could tell you in person.

 

I love you and always will.
Tyler Long April 12, 1981-May 1, 2002

On 13 August 2012 22:08, Priscilla Hayes <priscillahayes2007@yahoo.com> wrote:

Ummm….Thank You I guess…..

28 Apr

I met a podiatrist tonight that I have texted for almost two months. Thankfully he did not try to lip lock me or unzip my blouse because he was NOT my type, nice guy but again not my type. I like my men big and thick (body size not dick, well I guess dick too), NOT 95 pounds and who’s butt cheeks combined is the size of ONE of my breasts, and I’m a petite woman. I have  never seen a man so skinny in my life!!

I stayed 30 minutes, announced I had plans (which I did because I had to write this blog) and without a handshake or hug I left. When I got home he sent me a follow-up text message that I think was a compliment but not sure. I have been compared to a lot of sexual things but never this. Keep in mind this man is a doctor.

Him: Yummy! Tan and juicy!

Me: Juicy?

Him: Yup like a Rotisserie Chicken

Me: How do I compare to a Rotisserie Chicken?

Him: Cause I love 2 eat them

Me: Rotisserie Chicken or pussy?

Him: Chicken

Me: Umm…thanks I guess lol.

Him: I’m jerkin it so not in the right state of mind

WTF???

HOW DO YOU MEN COME UP WITH THIS SHIT??? LMAO

 

“Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMEN!!!

27 Apr

Yesterday I decided to call an old guy friend whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to since I moved back to Texas six months ago. I was having a bad day and missed my friends in Florida.

I called and he answered. In the background was the musical sounds of a deranged out of control bitch screaming:

“Is that another one of your whores you fucked? Talk to her, talk to your little slutty whore,” the wife said.

Oh hell no. Not another jealous, egotistical, selfish and close minded female bitch I thought. Didn’t I just blog two days ago about how I’m embarrassed to be associated with the female gender for the reasons described above? I had also blogged two weeks ago suggesting men not marry jealous women or keep their fucking wife in line after I was falsely accused four times, from four different women that I was “fucking their husband”.

Aside from already having a bad day, I was not in the fucking mood to deal with the unnecessary drama and bullshit the wife was screaming in the background!

Put your FUCKING wife on the phone,” I told him.

When the screaming demon came to the phone I yelled, “I’M, NOT FUCKING YOUR HUSBAND.”

For the next hour the “wife” and I were in a screaming match. Below are the words that were most frequently used and the number of times they were said:

Wife: Slut 24 Wife: Whore 17 Me: I’m not sleeping with your husband 37 Me: You fucking bitch 14

After an hour of name calling, the conversation shifted to the following:

Wife: My EX husband is a cheating asshole….divorced was finalized in December….my Ex husband is a fucking asshole….

I set the phone down to rotate the laundry from the washer to the dryer. I can still hear her screaming ten feet away.

I pick up the phone to hear…..

Wife: my EX husband is a liar….my EX husband fucked a 23-year old last week….my EX husband will rot in hell….

I need to go to the bathroom. I set the phone down, do my business while I read that Katie Holmes may be preganant, walk back downstairs and rejoin the conversation.

Wife: My EX husband is a piece of shit….glad I divorced him…..I wouldn’t stick that dick in my mouth if he was the last man on earth.

Finally silence. Was she done? Nope the ramblings of the EX wife continued.

I set the phone down again to make me a stiff drink, ten minutes later I made another, then another. Wouldn’t you need a drink to listen and tolerate this bullshit?

Three hours later, my laundry was hung, lasagna cooked, wrote and sent a few emails and now slightly buzzed from the four gin and tonics.

Again the receiving end goes silent. The “wife” is not talking but now she is crying.

Now mentally exhausted, for the 38th I tell the “wife” unconvincingly, “I’m am not, nor did I ever fuck your EX husband.”

Wife: I know but every other woman has, she said sobbing.

Did you notice the trend? Why does this woman care about her EX husbands sex life? Bitch you divorced him, his sex life is none of your business!! What a psycho bitch!

And the classic comment the “wife” made that is humorous and will never forget is…..

Wife: My EX husband told me he paid every time you guys went to dinner. You couldn’t pay for your own damn meal? It pisses me off he was using “our” money to take you to dinner.

My response to this statement was a no brainer. I told her:

Me: At first I tried to pay for my meals but stopped offering when I became beaten down with the stories he told about his psychotic wife. WOMAN, I DESERVED EVERY ONE OF THOSE MEALS!

As for my friend and the EX husband, I feel sorry that he is living this agony even after the divorce, however, dude fucking grow some balls, the pussy can’t be that good!!

This morning I woke up with a hoarse voice, a “Thank you, have a blessed day,” text and a Facebook friend request from the “wife”.

And women wander why men think we are bipolar, psychotic, drama queen BITCHES!!!!

“I had a five-year affair with your fiance”, the live-in housekeeper told me.

24 Apr

I get a call from a familiar voice that I hadn’t spoken to since I had left my ex-fiancé two years ago. She was our “live-in” housekeeper and she had a confession.

“I was the mistress of blank for five years. I am sorry for having an affair with your finance. I am ready to tell you the story.”

I know, but at the time I had not proof!

After four serious relationships, despite they had all resulted in lifetime friendships rather than marriage, I thought I had a knack for selecting “quality” men until I met, dated and moved in with “the doctor”.

Needless to say “the doctor” who was and is stupid rich as most people call it, did not prosper from his practice, but became a medical entrepreneur and who at the time had a net worth of at least 200 million. Due to our progressing relationship, (not the money) I relocated, quite my job as he wished, shopped, laid by the pool, planned parties and of course made him happy, extremely happy WHEN HE WAS HOME.

His arrogance was a result of the power, success and money obtained from his Ernest Young, Entrepreneur of the Year Award. I searched for reasons why he was a good man but the truth was he was only generous, humble and a non selfish role model in the public eye if it benefited him and guaranteed recognition and praise. For example if you were invited for a dinner outing he was always on his best behavior, but if we were alone he belittled and degraded those “serving” him. I often suggested dinner at home to spare the embarrassment, apology and slipping an extra a $100 bill to the waiter for tolerating his demanding and inappropriate behavior.

Needless to say, treating those who “served him” at a restaurant was no different than the 5 live-in housekeepers that came and went in a month. My suspicions arose when he asked me to use my credit card to place an ad for a housekeeper on Care.com because his profile was banned and credit card was recognized. His reasoning was women reported sexual harassment because they wanted his money.
Then Aimme moved in and became our new live-in housekeeper. It was odd and strangely obvious that he treated the new 40-year old housekeeper from Thailand like a Queen comparatively speaking from the previous five. For example, after two days on the job he bought her tickets worth $2000 to the San Antonio Spurs playoff game, told her to sit down and join us for all our meals, hosted her and her friends on special outings on the yacht. Again this is coming from a man whom belittles all those “serving” him!

In my gut, I knew he was cheating but couldn’t prove it despite my numerous creative and scandalous attempts to prove my intuition was true. Then one day while chatting with “the doctor” in our home office, I was exploring the new IPad he had recently bought. Fascinated by all new electronic devices and began exploring all gadgets and applications it had to offer when I just so happened clicked on “email”. I was not being nosy but rather behaving like a kid in the candy store. Then there it was, the proof I had been longing to know. Immediately pops up a craigslist ad in the “casual encounter” category that revealed a picture of “the doctor” with a rather raunchy and naughty title followed by an ad soliciting blow jobs and sex. There were also corresponding emails between him and various women regarding their recent meeting or planning to meet.

He must have seen the shocked look on my face because he runs around the desk towards me and asks me what I was looking at. I tried to get out of the screen but it was too late, he saw his secret was exposed and my suspicions were confirmed.

I had excused myself to go shopping to buy place mates for the party we were hosting later that evening. When I returned home I acted as though nothing had happened and didn’t say a word.

He stopped me, took me in his arms and said, “Sweetie, I was trying to find us a playmate”. Hmmm, don’t remember having this discussion, I thought.

The next day he bought me a new Mercedes and a week later I left him taking only the items I brought into the relationship leaving behind the car, jewelry, clothes, gifts etc.

When I received the surprise call from the housekeeper she admitted to living in a condo he paid for in the city he most often traveled to for work. She told me she moved in with his with the intention that her “Housekeeper” role would be short-term because she was told the girlfriend, me, was on her way out. Now I know why she was surprised when she learned after she moved in that I too, moved in two weeks prior. It also wasnt a shock when she told me they met on sugardaddy.com. I still laugh at my ignorance in the situation and we have been best friends since.

As a result of his infidelity, I now have cervical cancer and cannot bear children.

At the time just before I left him, people told me to look the other way because he gave me a wonderful life full of materialistic values. Now when people comment or make the remark that I should have stayed with him, I give the women his number, a box of condoms and say a prayer.
I have been eliminated in The dating science due to my lack to conceive children.
I had the power, I walked away with dignity. self respect and pride but in some regard it was already to late!

Money is not everything.

UPDATE: PART TWO, I am Sometimes Embarrassed to be Associated with the Female Gender: How Judging Others can BACKFIRE

24 Apr

When I posted “I am sometimes embarrassed to be associated with the female gender”, I did not expect to write a Part Two.

This post was in reference to what my previous boss who had politely relayed via text message, that she did not want to associate with someone (referring to me) whom does not live and uphold Christian values, the same values my blog clearly doesn’t support.

Late last night, I received adisturbing texts from one of my fellow coworkers whom was disgusted and appalled when she read Part One of this post. As a result, she judged me as “Trashy”, stereotyped me as a “Skank” and told me she too did not want to associate with someone, for a lack of better words, who did not uphold the Christian standards she lives by on a daily basis.

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Thank you, I appreciate your opinion and honesty .

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The following dialogue is why I said in my previous post women are” egotistical, jealous, close minded, play games, feed on drama and the first to stir up unnecessary BULLSHIT.”This is also a prime example as to why I am sometimes embarrassed to be associated with the female gender.

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Her: “Wow! You’re post about blank is just RUDE! She’s a wonderful person and has every right to be completely disgusted by your blogs. She was completely respectful and just wanted to be polite in telling you where she stood. And to answer your question…you don’t get laid because you’re trashy!!! What guy would feel proud to sleep with someone who makes herself desperately available for EVERYONE?! That just screams trashy skank with who knows how many diseases! Gross!! Maybe THAT is why you are single…who would have thought?!

Delete my number….I want nothing to do with you.”

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I asked her why she read my blog, she responded:

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Her: “I read it because you posted it on Facebook and I thought, “surely the person who wrote this is not the person we’ve been working with!” I read it tonight because I knew you’d post about blank!”

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Me: “Again I don’t cast no judgment on anyone so you can think what you want about me, call me names etc…I really don’t care.”

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Her: “Good luck to you…I truly hope you find the help you need.”

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Me: “Yes I am so mad right now so many words want to come out of my mouth but instead I will say I forgive you, I love you and may GOD bless you! :).”

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Her: “I do not agree AT ALL with the things you do and say and don’t want to be associated with that. I truly wish you the best in life and I hope you find happiness.”

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This is the same person whom had children out of wedlock. Did I cast judgment? No, she has two beautiful children that bring joy to her life. She is also a person whom slept with an ex-boyfriend but slept with him again knowing he is engaged and is about to be a father. Did I cast judgment? No, there is a similar circumstance that I too have done and not proud of. Although I didn’t judge her others might and WOULD be quick to call her thee same names she called me.

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We have all made choices we regret, and mistake we won’t repeat and have learned from. That my friend is life. Although we will never be perfect, everyday we can strive to be a BETTER person.

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The following are my favorite biblical quotes on “Judging Others”.

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Luke 6:37

“Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;//
Matthew 7:1-5

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

And my favorite……

James 4:11-12

Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Again, I am not perfect and will always make mistakes as will thy neighbor. Therefore, I will never cast judgment on what others do or say, but rather show my love for every brother and sister that comes my way because I am no better than any of you.

AMEN

My luck with men…I told you I wasn’t making this shit up!

23 Apr

Yo, you dig this? What time you want me over?

Ummm…I…wow…I don’t know how to respond!

I wander if he would still be interested if I aked him to drink my piss or eat my shit.

He Dumped Me For Another MAN!!!

19 Apr

Image

I know watching two women sexually explore one another’s body is sexy and highly erotic, but is it the new “In Thing” for men to seek the male gender for sexual stimulation?

I’m sorry but I’m trying to avoid my future marriage to reenact scenes from the movie “Brokeback Mountain”. Let me first clarify I am by no meaning homophobic, but I will ONLY date and or marry a man knowing for a FACT that his dick has not been in another man’s ass. After a particular incident that I will explain later, I now ask all my future dating candidates “ARE YOU BISEXUAL OR HAVE ANY BISEXUAL TENDENCIES?”

The Following are a few responses.

Guy #1 “Ummmmm….”

Too long of a response! NEXT….

Guy #2 “Ummmmm”, three seconds later, “I don’t think so”

Closet gay, NEXT…..

Guy #3 “No, but a guy gave me $100 to suck my dick. Come on it was a hundred bucks, who wouldn’t!!”

What guy wouldn’t let another guy suck his dick, I thought? A man who likes PUSSY!!!

Guy #4 “I let a guy suck my dick as my girlfriend at the time watched. It was her fantasy.”

Her fantasy or yours? Dude, pick a chick who doesn’t want a guy to suck your dick!!!!

Guy #5 “I had a girl stick her finger up my ass during sex and it was the hardest and most intense orgasm I ever had. I wouldn’t be opposed to being with man. I often wonder what it would be like”.

Okay, I don’t know what to say to that except, follow your heart but it won’t be with me!

I know not all men is going to be upfront and honest so I sometimes have to play reverse psychology and lead them to think two men having sexual intimacy is HOT!!! Ugh, just talking about it makes me ill. What was the outcome of tricking these men? Three guys, who had earlier proclaimed they like women ONLY, admitted they were curious to know what it would be like with a dick in their ass.

I am very STERN in wanting to know the TRUTH to this question because I do NOT want to witness the traumatizing experience I did with my ex-boyfriend Luke and his gay best friend Mike. The following is unfortunately a true story:

I really liked Luke and I hadn’t slept with him yet in hopes of something long lasting would develop since my one-night stand cycle wasn’t working. It struck me as odd that Luke sometimes accompanied his gay best friend Mike, to gay bars and nightclubs. There were a few nights, Luke had preferred to join Mike at the gay club rather than me. Hey it’s his best friend I thought. The chances of Luke picking up strange pussy at a gay bar was very slim so I never really complained.

One night before Luke was to meet Mike at the gay bar, I jokingly but somewhat seriously asked, “Do you and Mike have something romantic going on,” I said smiling and giggling. Luke took me in his arms, he too was slightly giggling at my question and responded “Mike is my best friend, and I get a kick watching stiff dicks try to hit on me knowing I’m not gay.”

One Friday evening Luke commented that he wanted to spend time with me AND Mike and invited me to come to the gay bar with them. I had met Mike a few times, he was a sweet man and always had me rolling in laughter.

I was excited about the invitation ad didn’t care where we went as long as I was spending time with Luke. A night at the gay bar was fun as I had anticipated, and VERY entertaining. Mike hustled the room for “fresh meat” determined to get laid and I stayed close to Luke making it obvious he was taken!! However, several men throughout the night approached Luke, knowing him on a first name bases followed by a hug and or handshake. Hmmmm….Luke must of made quite an impression with these men since he claims he comes to the gay bar only SOMETIMES!

We left the bar an hour before it closed so we could pick up some beer and grab fast food. I didn’t live far from the bar so I suggested Mike stay over with Luke and I since he had a bit too much to drink. I gave Luke a key to my apartment and told them I would meet them there after I got some beer and hamburgers from McDonalds.

My apartment was on the third floor and enclosed like a “hotel style”. I was tugging my purse, beer and three bags of food. I could easily eat and pass out as I too had a few too many drinks. When I reach the third floor I hear a ruckus echoing through the hallway. I walked toward my apartment located midway down the hall and I could hear two men laughing and yelling. When I got to my door I realized it was Luke and Mike too drunk to be considerate to lower their voices to my neighbors, I thought. I was PISSED! I did not want a noise violation from the landlord because of their drunk dumbasses!!

The door was already unlocked so I walk in ready to cuss their ass out!!

I paused…. I was watching a live gay porno with my boyfriend leaning over the arm of the couch moaning loudly, “harder bitch” as Mike pounded and clapped Luke’s ass with his dick!

What happened after that is irrelevant. Let your imagination run wild and I am sure I said and did all of those things. I sometimes wander if Luke resorted to his gay friend to fulfill his sexual needs because I wasn’t putting out!

Again, I ask, is it the “In Thing” for men to be bisexual or have bisexual tendencies?

Women do you scream “Oh My God…Oh Yes, Oh Yes, Yes, Yes during an orgasm?

18 Apr

Oh Please….”Harder”, “Fuck”, “His Name” and calling myself a “Whore” are the words I yell before, during and after an orgasm.

It is a Pet Peeve when women claim they have had an orgasm but continue to comment and complain about the following:

Describe they’re orgasms as “It Feels Good”!

(WTF??? Your descriptive vocabulary should be the only excuse for your lame ass answer!)

Complain men ONLY want sex.

(Who wouldn’t want to experience such a euphoric
sensation at least twice a day? Sorry but your award winning personality does not compare!!)

Label another woman a “WHORE” because she spreads her legs again and again as she continuously begs for more.

(Thank you, I am glad to be a dirty, naughty “WHORE”. You say it like it’s a bad thing?)

It’s unfortunate and sad that the unhappy, sexually deprived women as described above view sex as a “Chore”. If you had to finally give-in because your headache excuse were exhausted, I am sure you quickly undress with no foreplay, roll your eyes, think about the TV show your missing, give your famous “fake” moaning orgasm in hopes it will expedite the pounding so he will hurry up and cum and FINALLY get the fuck off you!!!

BITCH THIS ISN’T AN ORGASM, AND DOUBT YOU EVER HAD ONE!!!

The next time a woman makes a comment that indicates she is or may be a “Virgin” to an orgasm, I am going to rape that woman’s pussy with my tongue, ignore her plea to stop until her body shivers, squirms, toes tingle and bitch screams asking for another, another…..

Whew, I need to come up for air after for that!

Ladies that is an ORGASM.

Beginning now, you will crave, hunt and prowl for your next stiff dick, interview men for your new “Fuck Buddy” position, and or buy and name the mechanical stimulator you will obsess and use daily in the absence of a dick.

I was grateful that Bob, my former boss, hired me as a Photo Technician at Eckerd’s, but honored he spent two hours giving me the orgasm that would define and explain my slutty behavior. This was better than a raise he never gave me on my paycheck. If the day comes when I meet this man again, I will drop to my knees as a submissive slave, until the king has announced all pleasurable debts have been redeemed to his satisfaction.

I had a crush on Bob who was quite the pervert. He chased female customers around the store not in effort to give them excellent communication but to slip a peak at their cleavage or get a better look at their ass. Not sure what actions or dialogue initiated the situation but after work one day he drove me to his apartment 45 minutes away. Although I was a virgin, I was not shy to announce that area was “off limits”.

He respected the “No Dick Allowed” request and instead the intimate area became a playground for his tongue. I didn’t know exactly what this man was doing or his intentions but I grew uncomfortable, embarrassed and the word “Yuk” came to mind when he was exploring this area.

After an hour and half, I knew he was determined to make me “cum”. Finally, I allowed my mind to surrender all doubt and hesitation, let his tongue overcome my body so he man could give me the “Gift” he knew I hadn’t yet experienced.

Prior to my orgasm, I remember thinking “Please don’t stop” as I was blindsided by this pleasantly scary feeling. Then during I was begging him not to stop, and after thinking “Wow. What the fuck was that?”

Hours later, I was the proud owner of my first multi speed vibrator which I discarded years ago after battery frustration, got a “Fuck Buddy”, masturbate both morning and night and seek the strange dick more often than I should.

My goal is to make sure all women have experienced such an exhilarating moment which defines her sexuality and womanhood.

If you know or have any doubt you have not had an orgasm, please message me and I would love to host and be the one to warmly welcome you to the “Wonderful World of being a Whore”!!!

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